Alpha, Beginning–Omega, the End

I hit the snooze button up to three times. My husband asks, “Why not set it right the first time?”

We put on our sneakers for our morning walk. We ask, “How’d you sleep?” and tell tales of our dreams.

We walk several blocks. We walk, we talk.

Heading back home, we reflect on the day and stop to pray.

Jesus is our Alpha—the beginning to our day.

I get ready for work. At the sink, I pray.

As I do my hair, I read God’s word.

Jesus is my Alpha.

My husband sits, coffee in hand, Bible in lap—bowing his head.

I walk by and smile. Thank you, God.

Jesus is his Alpha.

I go to work. My husband—he works from home.

Throughout our day, Jesus is our Alpha.

As our day nears its end, we lock all the doors and climb into bed.

I open my Bible. He opens his.

We each read a chapter.

Our Jesus, Omega—our end He is.

We lay face to face and discuss what we’ve read.

We pray for the day, say, “I love you.” We kiss.

Alpha, Omega—Jesus is.

Although this year ends, another begins.

My prayer, my heart: Jesus, please stay

Our Alpha, Omega.

Amen and Amen.

 

Daphne Tarango

 

Daphne’s post today is part of Mentoring Moment’2012 theme called Jesus Is. Feel free to share via email, Facebook, or Twitter.

Avoid Mr. Wrong One and Marry Mr. Right

A. How to Marry the Wrong Person
1. Date someone who is a non-believer
2. Decide you’ll get married at all costs
3. Become sexually involved with the person or live together first
4. Find someone you believe you can change after you’re married
5. Date someone with an addiction or other serious issues
6. Date someone who is married or who divorced for non-biblical reasons

B. How to Marry the Right Person
1. Be God’s right person first
2. Find Your Identity and value in Christ not a dating or love relationship
3. Give up your own desires and seek God’s will
4. Refuse all moral and spiritual compromise
5. Be truly content in your present situation
6. Find your place to serve Christ
7. Step out in faith when God introduces you

Ephesians 4:2-3
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Ten Ways to Get Husbands to Talk…

Basic Premise: There are no husbands who will not talk, only husbands who do not believe they will be listened to. If your husband believes you will listen to him, he will talk to you.

This is a question that we are asked often.  These are some practical ideas that work.

A.        The Seven Most Common Reasons Men Don’t Talk to their Wives
1.         They are afraid their thoughts and ideas will be criticized and rejected.
2.         They do not feel they are as verbally skilled as their wives.
3.         They are convinced they will lose the exchange.
4.         They were taught as children to be quiet or face the consequences.
5.         They are uncomfortable talking about feelings.
6.         They don’t want to become emotional and appear weak.
7.         They do not believe they will be listened to.

B.        The Five Most Common Mistakes Women Make in Talking to their Husbands
1.         They expect an immediate response or answer thus pressuring him.
2.         They assume men enjoy conversation just as much as they do and are just being difficult or stubborn thus misunderstanding them.
3.         They don’t understand men talk as the result of doing an activity, whereas women see talking as the activity itself thus expecting him to open up while sitting still.
4.         They interrupt, evaluate, or criticize their husband’s thoughts as soon as he speaks them thus discouraging him.
5.         They are uncomfortable with “dead air” and try to fill in the awkward silence with their own words thus shutting him down.

C.        Ten Questions You Can Ask your Husband to Get Him to Talk
1.         “So what is the most fulfilling aspect of your job?”
2.         “Who is the one person you admire most at work and why?”
3.         “What would you change about the place you work if it was up to you?”
4.         “Who did you admire most growing up?”
5.         “What’s the best compliment anyone ever paid you?”
6.         “Growing up, who made you feel the most loved and why?”
7.         “If I could change two things about me that would make me an easier person to live with, what would they be?”
8.         “What would you most like to be remembered for?”
9.         “If you could spend the rest of your life doing just what you really enjoy doing, what would that be?”
10.       “Tell me about two or three of the best days of your life.”

D.        Seven Winning Strategies to Get your Husband to Talk
1.         Ask you husband a sincere question, and then do not say anything until he responds.
2.         When he does respond, resist every impulse within you to evaluate, criticize, alter or reject what he has just said.
3.         Instead, smile and say something affirming such as, “I respect your feelings…” or “I can understand how you would feel that way.”
4.         If there are pauses or periods of silence, say nothing and instead give him time and space to continue his thoughts.
5.         Ask probing questions to draw out further information such as, “Tell me more…” or ”What did that do to you?” or “What happened next?”
6.         Under no circumstances start an argument or use his words against him later.
7.         Allow at least 30 minutes to an hour to hear him out (don’t start sharing your thoughts until he assures you he has said everything he has to say on a subject).

Remember, marriage is for better for worse for keeps.

Bob will be speaking on this subject on TLN LIVE with Jerry and Shirley Rose, live on Tuesday evening, November 1st at 7:00 pm (a special night of Prayer and Promise) on Total Living Network.  If you don’t have this station in your town, you can watch live streaming during the show at www.TLN.com.

The Wedding You Don’t Want to Miss

Revelation 19:5-9

⁵Then a voice came from the throne, saying:
“Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, both small and great!”

⁶Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
⁷Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.

⁸Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)
⁹
Then the angel said to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’ ” And he added, “These are the true words of God.

Remember, marriage is for better for worse for keeps.

Which Wall is Your Ladder Leaning Against?

We live in a busy culture–too busy at times. Let me remind you that we work to live; we ought not live to work. Spouses who spend their entire lives giving their best shot to the company often make a sad discovery as they grow older. Though they’ve reached the top of the corporate ladder, they discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall.

A successful businessman once refused to participate in a heart disease reduction program at work. “Why would I want to live longer?” he said, “I have only a banking relationship with my family.”

Choosing to make your marriage your first priority may be difficult, particularly if you’ve been committed to giving your best to your work. But we can discover a new level of joy and intimacy in marriage when we lean our ladder against the right wall–God and a fulfilling marriage and family.

And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 12:15

Remember, marriage is for better, for worse, and for keeps.

Defeat Self-focus the Zacchaeus Way

“When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner. ^“But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, ”Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” Luke 19:5-10

Learn How to Defeat a Self-focused Lifestyle from Zacchaeus:

1.  Accept Jesus’ invitation to enter into close and intimate friendship with  Him.
2.  Be willing to abandon your position of sitting out life.
3. Don’t listen to what others are saying about you – focus on what God is saying to you.
4. Decide here and now you there is more joy in giving than taking.
5. Focus on making the remainder of your life a blessing to others.
6. Make restitution wherever possible.
7. Let your new identity in Christ, not your career or achievements, define who you are.
8. Never forget how far God has gone to seek you out.

Remember, marriage is for better for worse for keeps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I Survey the Wondrous Cross
Isaac Watts 1707

1. When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of glory died,

My richest gain I count but loss,

And pour contempt on all my pride.

1. Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,

Save in the death of Christ my God!

All the vain things that charm me most,

I sacrifice them to His blood.

1. See from His head, His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

1. Were the whole realm of nature mine,

That were a present far too small;

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all.

Before It’s Too Late

Chuck Swindoll once commented that he’s attended more than one funeral where the husband wept on his shoulder and said, “I never knew what I really had until she was gone.” Don’t let that happen in your life. Don’t wait until it’s too late to make your marriage the priority it needs to be in your life.

How do we learn to appreciate our spouses? It begins by treating them as if they are the most important person in our lives. We need to talk to them frequently throughout the day, think about them often when we’re away, and say no to being with other people at times, so just the two of us can spend time together. The emotional satisfaction may not be strong right away. But the more you both invest in the relationship in terms of time and attention, the more you will appreciate your spouse.

Psalm 23:1 “Because the Lord is my Shepherd; I have everything that I need.”

Does Your Marriage Need a Heart Transplant?

The prophet Ezekiel made a remarkable promise regarding the transforming love of God, “I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.”Regardless of how troubled your marriage may have been up to now, God can take your heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh in your relationship.

It begins with trusting the heart of God, who has revealed himself in Jesus Christ and Christ’s finished work on the Cross. There, bearing our sins, Jesus opened a source of love that can literally transform our lives. If your heart is stone cold, ask God to do a heart transplant — to replace it with one soft and tender toward your spouse once again.

Remember, marriage is for better, for worse, and for keeps.

“I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.” Ezekiel 11:19

A Pledge to Do for a Lifetime

(Editor’s Note: Last week 700 Club host Pat Robertson made controversial statements regarding divorce when a spouse has Alzheimer’s disease. I was reminded of two articles MMCW ran a number of years ago sharing the precious testimonies of two families and the commitment of one spouse to care for the other. Today we are re-running Stephanie Little’s A Pledge to Do from our archives.)

Dictionary.com lists several definitions for the word commitment. The one that stands out to me the most is “a pledge to do.”

Marriage is a commitment, a pledge to do for lifetime.

Jesus says of marriage in the book of Matthew, “So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

I’ve seen several examples of lifetime commitment in our church. Almost every Sunday, we recognize at least one couple who has been married for 50 years or more! Our worship leader calls out their names and their anniversary picture is put up on the huge screens at the front of the church.

I love to look at the screen and see the beautiful faces that have somehow over the years grown to look alike, silvery gray hair and soft wrinkled skin. I imagine all the things those couples have seen and experienced together: happiness, sadness, joy, and hardship. I often wonder what their secret is.

One Sunday, instead of the usual anniversary picture on the screen, there was a special video about one godly couple. The video opened with an elderly man getting up while it was still dark outside, getting dressed in a coat and tie, and then walking to catch a bus to travel to the nursing home where his wife was a resident.

Once inside, he made his way to her room where he waited patiently beside her bed for her to wake up. The sweet husband spent all day caring for the needs of his aging wife. As a nurse walked the wife through the hallway, there he was, walking behind her, arms outstretched and ready should she begin to fall. He helped her eat and dress and sat by her bed as she slept. In the evening, when his wife was tucked safely in bed, the husband boarded the bus, went home to his own bed, simply to wake up and do the whole routine again the next day.

As I watched the video, tears streamed down my face.

I kept thinking, “Could my husband love me like that? Is his commitment to me that strong?”

Then, I heard it, the still small voice of the Lord, turning my questions to myself.

“Could I love my husband like this man loved his wife? Is my commitment to him that strong?”

My mind immediately flies back to that warm summer evening when I stood at an altar, facing the man of my dreams and made the biggest commitment of my life, my “pledge to do.”

That is what I promised, to do whatever it takes to have (as the other half of myself), to hold (up and onto), for richer or poorer (monetarily and emotionally), in sickness and in health (always praying for his health), til death do us part. I made a pledge, a promise to do for my husband whatever God calls me to do for him for as long as God allows me to do it.

This is a commitment, a lifetime of doing for one another. This is marriage.

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.” ~ Barnett Brickner

Stephanie Little

Setting Boundaries with an Angry Spouse

Question:  What should I do?  I want a peaceful home, but there’s “anger fireworks” from my spouse, when I least expect it.

Part One of the Answer: Never underestimate the power of one softened heart to influence the other heart. (Check out I Want a Peaceful Home)

Part Two of the Answer: Soften your own heart, regardless, whether your spouse does or doesn’t. (Check out Softening Hearts in an Angry Marriage.)

Part Three: Putting boundaries up for an angry spouse.

Ephesians 4:22-32:  “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. He who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with his own hands, that he may have something to share with those in need.

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”

Ephesians 5:1-2 “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

There is truth to the saying that “we are treated as we allow people to treat us.”

We find that usually angry spouses have some people that they are not angry with.  It might be a brother, an employee, a friend, or a neighbor that they are able to carry on a conversation with, laugh with, and even resolve issues with.  But, when it comes to you, when it comes to the slightest issue when you least expect it, your angry spouse lashes out in anger or goes into long anger episodes.  But the fact that they are able to get along with a few people, perhaps shows that they have potential.

The truth is, it’s impossible to put boundaries up to restrain an angry spouse. Instead, what we are able to do, is to set up our own boundary lines, which helps to protect us from an over-the-top angry spouse.  Yes, we must pray that God will change their heart, but we can only allow God to change our own heart; we can’t force our angry spouse to change.  The bottom line is that we can’t change our angry spouse or make them less angry, but we can set up lines which limit the amount of time that we are with them, when they are in an episode.  We have a great example in our Lord, Jesus Christ.  He didn’t give us the commands in the Bible to make us follow them.  God established and gave us His Word.  He allows people to be as they are, but He draws lines when they break His Word, any part of it, including the Ten Commandments. It’s as if He says: “You can be that way if you choose but if you do, you cannot dwell with Me, in My house.” God limits His exposure to evil people who won’t repent and so should we.

God’s Holy Word says we are to draw lines/separate ourselves from people who act in destructive ways, and so we should.  The point is not that we don’t love the angry spouse.  Drawing the line protects our love, because we are drawing a line between love and what demolishes love.

It may get worse, before it gets better.  You usually have to go through conflict to achieve community.  If setting boundaries is new to you, expect a reaction and expect to be tested. Your angry spouse will find this side of you unfamiliar and may provoke you further or choose not to take you seriously. Make your statements again and follow through. Remember, truth is truth, even if it doesn’t seem like it in your house.

Here are guidelines for establishing boundaries with an angry spouse:

1)  Realize good boundaries make for better relationships, not poorer ones (a lack of proper boundaries will ultimately cause relationships to weaken or fail).

2)  Boundaries are the recognition that all relationships require mutual respect to flourish (even God requires our respect in order to be in relationship with us).

3)  Boundaries are the dividing line between my legitimate rights and responsibilities and your legitimate rights and responsibilities.

4)  The place to begin in establishing boundaries is in your own life, including your marriage – determine what are your own legitimate rights and responsibilities and what are not.

5)  Then clearly and calmly communicate your boundaries to your angry spouse. Make your plan with your pastor or a Biblical counselor.

6)  Once you decide you will not allow your angry spouse to cross your boundaries — and refuse to allow them to do so each and every time – ultimately the angry spouse will (usually) respect your boundaries.

7)  Remember boundaries are not a selfish way of life, they are an act of love that builds and preserves godly and healthy relationships.

Join a group like Celebrate Recovery, which usually offers a specialized group for spouses (dealing with an addictive spouse and anger qualifies as an addiction).

Resources:

There are several resources from Caring for the Heart Ministries by John Regier.

A good book on the subject by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend is:

Boundaries in Marriage

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