How do you deal with mean girls? If you watch popular television shows today, you would think the correct answer would be get her before she gets you, be meaner than them, be smarter, quicker, more powerful or have more money. A quick wit and fierce tongue may seem to be a fix but may lead to violence. If fighting back like the world says is not the answer, what is?
Before you hear the Sunday School answer and say that is not reality, please hear me out. I know what the Bible says is counter-culture, but God tells us it is the best way.
Romans 12 from The Message reads like this:
14-16 Bless your enemies; no cursing under your breath. Laugh with your happy friends when they’re happy; share tears when they’re down. Get along with each other; don’t be stuck-up. Make friends with nobodies; don’t be the great somebody.
17-19 Don’t hit back; discover beauty in everyone. If you’ve got it in you, get along with everybody. Don’t insist on getting even; that’s not for you to do. “I’ll do the judging,” says God. “I’ll take care of it.”
20-21 Our Scriptures tell us that if you see your enemy hungry, go buy that person lunch, or if he’s thirsty, get him a drink. Your generosity will surprise him with goodness. Don’t let evil get the best of you; get the best of evil by doing good.
Lets break it down into a few steps we can work on.
Step 1: Don’t join in a battle with words — out loud or under your breath.
Proverbs says “without wood a fire goes out.” If you do not pile fresh wood on or kindle the flames the fire should go out. You can do this by avoiding the person when possible. Choose not to engage in conversations that could lead to debates. Some people just need a wide space. Choose not to engage with them on social media–you can block their posts. You may even need to choose a new set of friends if the customary conversations with your friends are to belittle other people. My mom would say, “You become like the people you surround yourself with.”
Step 2: Don’t hit back.
In our world it is so normal to want to get even. Think about it. When you were a child and your brother or sister hit you, what did you want to do? That’s right hit them back because we want to see justice prevail. God says to let Him take revenge for you. If you are like me, you may feel like God is not taking care of business fast enough. But God knows what is best and He knows how to bring about the best results. In the end we want the meanness to stop, and sometimes the only way that will happen is for God to get their attention. Remember God’s timetable is rarely ours, but His ways are super effective!
Step 3: Heap on burning coals of kindness.
I know it goes totally against what our culture says, but if you really want to get at a Mean Girl, start to pray for her. It may not change her, but it will change your heart attitude. Look below the surface of her meanness to try to figure out what is going on. Sometimes you can see that meanness is a result of her life situation, health, or lack of being loved. As you pray and respond with kindness in trying to help, rather than take revenge, it can change the relationship. The end of the verses that say do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good is meant to remind us that love truly can conquer wrong. Some people you just have to love with the love of Jesus out of gratitude for what He has done for you.
Step 4: Set yourself free.
Holding a grudge or even keeping a record of wrongs only hurts you. Most mean people do not know nor do they care that they have hurt you. If you were to go up to them today and confront them about their wrong toward you, they might look at you like you are crazy because they don’t even remember what you are talking about. They may not have even realized they hurt you. You have been living in a prison without even knowing it, and the person who hurt you has been free because they were not even aware. Set yourself free. It does not mean that what they did was right or okay; it just means you choose to let go of the hurt.
Check these Verses Out:
These four steps don’t cover all areas of dealing with Mean Girls, but it should give you a good start. Keep searching God’s Word. Here are a few more verses you may want to check out.
Ephesians 4:2, 32
1 Peter 4:19
2 Peter 2:21,23
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