My husband and I are as different as day and night. Everything from our personalities, thinking skills, likes and dislikes are completely different. Even so, we complement each other magnificently.
When Brian and I were dating, he was shy and quiet–I remember how this would frustrate me. I could have long conversations with him where the only words he would utter would be yes, no, and uhum. I admit it was hard for him to get a word in as I do love to hear myself talk. This man intrigued me with his quiet wisdom and amazing kindness. I knew there was much more to him–I opened myself to hear his heart and allowed him to hear mine.
We were the best of friends for almost two years before we even began dating and somehow, all that time I knew I would eventually marry him. He was quiet, serious, and intelligent while I was the loud free spirit who lived as though I had it all together while deep inside my world was in total chaos.
God knew we needed each other.
I like to think of my husband as a type of Mr. Spock from the Star Trek series and of myself as Mrs. Klingon. If you are familiar with the Star Trek series, you know that Spock was a Vulcan known for total control of his emotions. Vulcans are cool because they are strong, wise, and have pointy ears. The Klingons on the other hand are loose cannons. They are impulsive, loud, devoted to their creed and have big, wrinkly foreheads. That is pretty much my husband and I in a nutshell–minus the pointy ears and big wrinkly forehead.
The first few years of our marriage were interesting as we tried to adjust to our differences. Besides the already mentioned personality differences, let me add that we both come from different cultures (he is Anglo and I am Hispanic) and that alone added spiciness to what already seemed a challenging recipe.
We do not like to say we fight or argue, but rather that we have intense fellowship in our marriage. Many, many moments of intense fellowship! We have learned from each other and have grown as individuals and partners. Sometimes I catch myself behaving more like a Vulcan–more in control of my emotions. There are times I could swear I see the wrinkly thing on his forehead. What has happened is the universal thing that happens to dog owners all over the world. After so long, the dogs begin to look like the owners.
We are such a unit. We look, think, talk, walk, and even look alike. When I look into his eyes, I see some of the brown of my eyes mixed with the blue of his—I’m just being poetic. It’s the craziest thing!
How did this happen? We learned to compromise.
It is not always easy being the one with the pointy ears because in order to affirm each other, we need to be like an open book. We need to show our emotions and talk about them and yes, if necessary have intense fellowship. The same goes for the one with the wrinkly, big forehead. We have to make an effort to think carefully about what we say and do. We must remember we are not separate units any longer–we are one. As one, we must be willing to live a sacrificial life that elevates our partner and allows him to succeed, regardless of our differences.
I am nothing like Christ, though I strive to be more like Him daily. I am not naive enough to think I am perfect, but I have a great example in Him. His example is one I can follow and project to others. When I see what Christ has sacrificed for loving me, it makes me willing to do anything and everything I can to be faithful to Him. That is the kind of love Christ has modeled for me to follow with my partner. He intends that we have the same intensity of love, faithfulness and passion for our partners that He has for His church.
So what if we are different! Once you get past the pointy ears and wrinkly forehead, I believe you will find your galaxy is not so big that you could lose each other.
There is a quote I have always liked from one of my favorite movies:
The Painted Veil (2006):
“Sometimes the greatest journey is the distance between two people.”
This is so true but it does not have to be this way. We can bridge the gap and meet in the middle of the road. We can find each other again and instead of drawing farther apart, we can learn to coexist and love sacrificially.
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About Beba Schlottmann
Beba Schlottmann is an exuberant worshiper whose passion comes from a deeply-rooted relationship with Jesus Christ and a love for diverse styles of music and cultures. Moving to the states at age 12 from Puerto Rico, Beba graduated from West Coast Christian College in Fresno, CA. She is the president of Women on the Move, a ministry of the Lawrenceville Church of God. Beba also serves as a worship leader, teacher, interpreter and as a mentor. Beba's involvement in mission work has taken her to Europe, Central America and the Caribbean where she has served as a speaker, teacher, worship leader and interpreter. Beba's pride and joy are the men in her life, her husband Brian and their two boys, Matthew and Julian. She enjoys traveling, writing, reading, singing, and hosting international friends. Her not-so-secret indulgences include coffee and any flavor of Milka chocolate. You can visit her blog or Facebook profile to find out more about Beba.
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