A Father’s Day Memory

As a single mom, I pulled together my pennies to buy the ingredients for a nice meal for my parents on Father’s Day.  Always watching, my three- and four-year-olds took note of this act of honoring my Dad on his special day.  The next morning I was awakened by the most cherished sight.

These two precious preschoolers brought breakfast to me in my bed.  Because we had very little food in the house, they improvised with what they could find.  On a carefully balanced tray, they brought me what turned out to be a feast for my soul.

They had found a hot dog bun in the back of the refrigerator.  First they split and covered it with peanut butter, and then they put it into the toaster. (God obviously had His hand on them!)

So my breakfast in bed was a little glass of water and two melty peanut butter toasts.  They proudly presented it to me proclaiming, “Mommy, you’re the best Daddy we’ve ever had!  Happy Father’s Day!”  They cuddled with me and we all shared my breakfast.

That is one of the most extraordinary gifts I’ve ever received.  I gladly went to work a little late that day with a huge smile on my face.

Kelly J. Stigliano
Kelly has been a speaker and writer for over 20 years.  She and her husband Jerry enjoy life in Orange Park, FL.  Visit her at www.kellystigliano.com.

Real Live Women of Faith

Every Christian woman knows someone who is an example of a godly and gracious woman. Some times that special woman is in the church, or perhaps has been a friend of the family for years. No matter how you are acquainted, she stands out as one who is committed to Christ, desires to be the best wife and mother possible, and serves the church as her community. These women are actually rather common place to those of us who grew up in the church. However, a true woman of faith is also one who mentors young women by encouraging them to sit at the feet of Christ Jesus, learning from Him how to be mighty women in His kingdom.

One of the most marvelous teachings I ever heard was by Bill Gothard in a Basic Youth Seminar Conference in the late 1970s. He stressed to parents who lived away from their own parents and the grandparents of their children, to prayerfully enlist the help of a godly couple who could be surrogate parents and/or grandparents. My late husband and I were impressed with this idea because we were in ministry and far away from our parents. Applying this idea to our family was one we never regretted. The Lord led us to a precious couple who loved Him intimately, who had not been blessed with children, and who welcomed becoming a part of our young family as much as we loved having them as surrogate grandparents for our three children.

When my husband passed away, I felt the need to expand this idea and enlisted the wise counsel of one couple while my children and I were on the mission field and another couple when we returned to the mainland U.S. Both couples’ lives represented Christ Jesus in amazing ways. Approaching them was not difficult at all because they loved the Lord and had strong desires to minister to younger women and families. Both couples were humbled by the request to be prayer warriors for my children and I. They also gave wise counsel to me when I needed to make major decisions as a single woman. I gave them permission to speak to my children and me about any issues they witnessed that were not appropriate. Prior to asking them to be a part of our lives, and after my husband had died, I found myself unable to deal with the onslaught of pressure of being a young single mom. I made some horrible decisions that could have been thwarted had there been similar counsel in place.

It was important to set some ground rules in these relationships. When personal issues required attention, I would always go to the woman alone. After she spoke with her husband, they would call me together so he could add his comments, but never without his wife being in ear shot. This practice has been a way of getting the help I have needed over the years while also making certain that integrity and appropriateness is in place. Also, we made it clear that the husband and I would never be alone.

Over the years God has blessed these relationships, affording many times of sweet fellowship with these dear and committed saints. We have also had a lot of just good old down-to-earth fun. I try to not take advantage, but I know they pray from my children and me. I know they care, and every bit of advice from them will be based on scripture and seriously considered before the Lord.

A few years ago, one of the men lost his long battle with cancer. Up until a few weeks before he passed on to glory he was still communicating the joy of his life…his love for Christ. I still have contact with his dear bride who is now being ministered to by her children and the many surrogate family members they loved and made themselves available to over the years.

I have seen in Margaret a strength that comes from years of serving Christ first and being a wife and mother who loves who she is called to be. In her busy life she has always found time to reach out to hundreds of others the world over. She and her husband, Ken, after retirement, moved to the South Pacific and served faithfully with a mission board for equally as many more years.

The mainland surrogates have been dear to me in many different ways; not only as daily prayer warriors, but also as friends and mentors during years of being a single mom to three teenagers. Joyce and Jim have come alongside me many times to provide guidance from the Word of God sprinkled with years of experience as parents and grandparents.

As blessed as my children and I have been to have these godly men in our lives, I have been blessed immeasurable by Margaret and Joyce in my life as prayer warriors and mentors. Both women have played major roles in my relationship with the Lord God and my desire to serve Him with every part of my being. These women are living examples of godly wives and mothers. Both of these dear saints are examples of holiness and grace. They are Proverb 31 women, and Margaret and Joyce are truly women of faith.

Living by a Promise

Living by a promise–all of us live by a promise of one kind or another. We live on the giving and receiving ends of promises. Bride and groom stand before an altar and promise one another faithfulness until death parts them. A father promises a bike to his child at a certain age. We promise ourselves that we are going to do better next month.

We all know promises can be broken. Just ask someone who’s been hurt; it can be heavy stuff. It happens all the time. But I know a Promise Maker who kept  His promises yesterday, will be true today, and will fulfill them tomorrow.

At His Ascension, Jesus promised the disciples He would send the Spirit. At Pentecost, Jesus kept His promise, and things have never been the same since. The promise of His Spirit is a promise of life to those who would otherwise be dead. We are disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ living by the promise.

God made it clear to us that He does what He promises. He guarantees the promise of forgiveness of our sins by surrendering His Son to suffer our death so we could escape and live. He holds out the promise of eternal life before us so we can know our future. We push forward because we know, by His promise, that the journey ahead is not futile.

Each time we gather to worship and sing God’s praises we are being reminded of the promise God has given us through His Son Jesus Christ. When the way seems difficult or impossible, God plants Himself in front of us with the promise of the Gospel. He promises something greater than happiness. He gives a deep joy that endures. He promises morning after the darkest of night. He promises a song in the night. And that He can pardon the deepest shame.

Easter to me is a promise that God renews each spring. A promise that we will always have Him with us. Like the flower that blooms so brightly and the birds that sweetly sing, we will always receive His tender care. The stories and symbols of Easter comes to us in many forms to inspire our hearts with the blessed promise of new life. The empty tomb, the resurrection story, the beauty of the Easter lily, the budding flowers and trees–all signs and symbols of the joy of Easter raising our spirits with the promise of new life.

Easter’s hope also comes with the dawn of each new day. Today is a brand new day; it lies before us, filled with hope.

Lord, may Your promise live anew in my heart this day. May I know the grace, love, victory, joy, and hope of Easter in my heart in a special way this week. Thank You for rising from the grave from me. Thank You for living for me. In Jesus’  strong name, Amen!

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Single Again

“Delight thyself also in the Lord; and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart!” Psalms 37:4

Being single again is a time of drawing close to the ultimate spouse. He stands as the affectionate protector, the compassionate friend, and the One with whom we can share even our deepest desires.

Count your moment in time alone with the One who breathed life into you as a priceless treasure, which it is. Maintain and polish the relationship as a rare and irreplaceable gem.

The Lord has divinely ordained your steps to walk toward His purpose. Realize you are single again so you can be blessed beyond measure. In those times when frustrations, loneliness, or unrest approaches, throw up the mighty sword of the Word. Remind yourself that the almighty Son of God was Himself ordained to come to this earth, live, and die as a single man, completely and totally fulfilled through God the Father.

Allow the passion of a bride waiting for her groom to sweep her off her feet to be directed toward Jesus who is our perfect Prince of Peace waiting for that glorious wedding day. Do not be discouraged, but allow Him to fill every void and portion of your heart that desires love. Invite the Holy Spirit to take flight in your life and bring you up above the clouds where eagles soar. As we allow our life to be hidden in Christ with God, we will become peaceful, realizing that our Heavenly Father has only our best interests at heart. He is preparing us for ministry daily as He allows us to safely reside in the shadow of His wings.

As we place our desires aside and learn more and more to focus on His will instead of our own situation, He will begin to bless us with the desires of our heart. Serving the body of Christ should bring pleasure and enjoyment as we make ourselves available to be a blessing to others.

So prepare yourself and remember that the battle belongs to the Lord. He is our strength. He is our delight and our joy. Never doubt that He is coming and that your appointed time to be single again is under the watchful care of our gracious Heavenly Father. He is always in control and is ready to show us His way if we will just submit. Yield to the intimacy of His perfect will and be enraptured in His love.

Be blessed so you can be a blessing!

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Toe Touching

I moved my foot over to his side of the bed like I had done many times during the last twelve years, to gently touch his toe. That movement had brought with it a great sense of comfort all those nights when I needed to feel close to him but didn’t want to awaken my Don from the sleep his weak body so desperately needed. Toe touching was our way of comforting one another, but it was also intimate love making for us as we were deeply committed to sharing ourselves with one another amid the restrictions set for us by an illness that we had no control over.

After years of battling cancer, Don’s earthly fight was over. The reality of being a widowed mother of three young children was beginning to sink in and that single again “widowed” status brought with it harsh realities that would shake the ground under me and change my life forever.

Glancing at the clock, I knew I had to get up. The demands of the day were ready for my attention. Whatever happened to my youthful dream of an idyllic life? Life is not always idyllic, and most often does not come anywhere close for the single again adult.

My Don was sick when we married, and we were unable to secure mortgage insurance. His death impacted every cell in my body, but also I was left with a stack of medical bills with no help from anyone. I recall looking at those bills and crying so hard that my face hurt. “God, what am I going to do?” Added to the mountain of debts, my kids needed me, and there was other “stuff” that required my attention. In those twelve years of being married to a man critically ill much of the time, I had become terribly weary. I was on the brink of physical and mental exhaustion; however people kept telling me how strong I was so I continued pushing hard to keep things looking normal on the surface. All the while, the depth of my weary soul began to cave in and I was ill equipped to handle the onslaught of suffering inside myself. I did not want to be strong: I wanted to waddle in my pain for a while, to take a break from life and rest for a while. I wanted some time to myself, time when I wasn’t up half the night doing laundry, cleaning house, or preparing meals at 3 AM. I found myself sleeping less, unable to see how anyone, even God could get me out of the mess my life had become.

Life was hard, but God had not left me to face the days alone. Joan, a dear friend called at a time when no one else could have done for me what she did. She said, “I don’t understand what you are going through, but I’m here to listen to you cry, and to cry with you, if that will help.” And we did just that! Together, we cried for an hour and she listened as I talked about my Don, my children, and the ways they were suffering over the death of their father. I don’t recall another person ever asking me how the children were dealing emotionally with losing their dad. The tears stopped and we laughed and enjoyed good fellowship. That was twenty-five years ago but I have recalled it many times as I share with others the need to just be a friend. A friend who might not understand, but who is there to listen, to share tears, and to laugh! That time with Joan has remained a source of strength for me over the years.

The time did come when I realized that God had not abandoned me, but not until after I had given up. The late Larry Burkett, Christian economist, radio host, and a friend, had a heart for single again adults and sensed the great need I had, so he sent an associate to me. She become a buffer allowing me the freedom to be real. She offered counsel without judgment or condemnation and comforted me while pointing me to Jesus. I had been a Christian for years, but the pain that accompanied the loss of my Don and the details of my life after his death were insurmountable.

When our bodies are weak and tired, trauma is magnified. The weight of being single again was enough to face, but added to that was what made me a single again adult. All the “stuff” that required attention could bring even a strong person down, but one who is broken and fragile is no match for the intense pressure.

Life can’t be played out like a childhood dream. When Christ is our strength, then what we do in the minutes and hours in a single day become increasingly more productive. Finally able to abide in the Lord, a marked change in life, attitude, physical and mental abilities was evident. He was there all the time. He understood my hurt. He was what I needed in that gut-wrenching loneliness. He is the only one who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that I ask or even imagine (Ephesians 3:20). I came to realize in those dark and lonely nights that God wanted me to cry out to Him and to recognize that He is my all, and that He has toes, too.

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Opportunies to Mentor Younger Women

There are many wonderful things we can do as single-again adults that add joy and encouragement to the lives of others, particularly younger women. The most important thing we can do to provide hope and refreshment to the souls of younger women is praying for and with them. What we say and the actions we take to assist may be important and even necessary for where they are at the moment, but when we pray for and with them the deep wealth of God’s heart is expressed to them. When we pray in Jesus’ name we allow room for God to work out His great plans and purposes as He orchestrates the events of our lives and the lives of those we pray for.

Today’s young women today are caught up in the whirlwind of life in a way that no generation before had a clue about. These young women are bombarded with schedules and business that some of us older women cannot imagine. Whatever happened to those evenings that were spent sitting on the front porch talking with neighbors while the children played under the stars until they were ready to drop? Whatever happened to quiet evenings at home?

As I look around me and listen to young women of today, I often wonder if they even have one night a week when they are at home for several hours before they go to bed. Do they ever sit down to a set table and have a quiet meal with their husband and children? A meal they prepared from scratch with the family assisting to get it on the table?

If they cannot find time for these family times, then when is there time to be alone with the Lord? If they have no time to spend one night each week preparing dinner and sharing a meal with their family, when do they have time to read the Bible together and to pray? My guess is, and I have had many tell me so, they are not letting their children hear them read the Bible or pray.  Allowing the business of the world to take priority leaves little to no time for Christ.

What matters is Christ! He matters so much that it is increasingly important for us older women to nurture the younger women by letting them hear us pray for them and then to pray with them. Modeling the ways of the Lord is something we are commanded to do.  Titus 2:3 teaches us, “Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior… teaching what is good. v 4, “that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, v 5  “to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, that the Word of God may not be dishonored.”

The way we older women respond to the needs of the younger women we know is important to Christ, so it should be important to us!

One way to show your young children how important prayer is to you is to make a habit of praying while in the car. What a marvelous time driving can be when the radio, DVD player, and all other electronic gadgets, including cell phones are turned off and each member of the family shares what they want to pray about… then the time spent driving is used to commune with Christ.  Prayer walks are another way to teach younger women how they can spend time with the Lord, show how important prayer is to their family, and get exercise in while praying.

I used to walk every night when I lived in Colorado. When a neighbor joined me and shared a problem she had, I suggested we pray right then. She was stunned as she asked, “You mean you can walk and pray?” Of course we can pray anytime, anywhere. When we get into the habit of talking to God about our lives and consulting Him for His wisdom in any situation, we are on the road to “praying without ceasing.”

God longs to hear from His children. He wants to express to us things about Him, His ways, and His mercy that we can learn while listening to Him in prayer. If there is no time to pray, then when is there time to listen? We need to be quiet before the Lord in order to hear His voice in our spirits. The most profound messages from Christ to me come when I listen to Him. He promises to be our teacher, but we must listen to Him to know what His good and perfect will is for our lives.

Salvation is the most important thing that can ever happen to a person… knowing that eternity will be spent with God in heaven is the ultimate and we certainly do want everyone to know Christ and have that blessed assurance of heaven. However, all-too-often, we stop there and leave young Christians alone in their new life in Christ. What a blessed opportunity it is to encourage a child of God to pray.

It makes no difference if we are older, empty nesters, or what our place in this world is… as Christians, we are to pray. We are to encourage others to pray. We are to help mentor those younger than us and younger in the Lord to pray by hearing us pray and by encouraging them to call upon the Name of the Lord in prayer.

It’s not always about how much time we spend, although I think there are times when praying can and does take long periods of time because of the heaviness of our hearts. It is about the relationship with the Living Christ. It is about loving Him so much that time with Him is the top priority of our lives. Helping another child of God to recognize the importance of prayer is one of the greatest joys a Christian, old or young, can ever experience. The need is great. Be an encourager today and spend time praying with and for a friend. Communion with Christ is the most powerful and refreshing way to be encouraged while encouraging another.

Dealing with Depression

Heather Davis, Contributing Writer
Lazy Day Ranch

DEPRESSED–sad and gloomy; dejected; downcast

DEPRESSION–a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal;
sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason.

I have only been on this journey of widowhood for eight months now.  I’m encouraged by the Psalms, which are an incredible gift in that they show us all sides of our emotions. In the Psalms I find that it is okay to be depressed…it is a part of grief. To be downcast and sad is a part of the human emotion that God created.

We are not dealing with depression here. Our sadness is not prolonged or too great….instead our sadness is God-ordained. It is right on time. It is valuable as it refines us and cleans our heart. The tears are therapeutic as is the Word of God. I wish we did not have to suffer, but there is a comfort in being counted among those who have suffered.

Dealing with Depression

1. Exercise: it helps balance the chemicals in the body

2. Cut out sugar–not only is it a great way to lose weight, but living without processed foods and sugar can alleviate the mood swings and keep you grounded.

3. Get out into the sunshine: all that vitamin D is really good for you!

4. Try Herbal tonics and Essential oils: I used to think these were for the flower children of the ’60s. Was I wrong! These natural elements that God gave us are incredibly helpful in such matters. We take a stress and tension tonic and Lemon essential oils (among others) are amazing mood lifters.

5. Drink lots and lots of water: it cleans out the impurities in your body.

6. Deep breathing…try it!

7. Most important: memorizing God’s Word. II Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

8. Pray the Word: I ask the Lord to take away my anxious thoughts and then name off all the things I am thankful for (as we are told to do in Philippians 4:4-7).  Then I lay out my specific requests that are causing anxiety. I also thank the Lord ahead of time for the peace that He promises me when I obey Him.

Encouraging Scriptures for the path of suffering:

James 1:2-4: Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Philippians 4:4-7: Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!
Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Journaling Through Loss

Jackie Henry
Losing someone we love through death is one of the most stressful events we will ever endure. The stress takes a toll on our emotions, our bodies, and our health. Journal writing can be a simple and practical way to relieve some of that stress and the problems it brings. I found that writing my thoughts in a journal became a great comfort and companion to me. It will catalog your journey of grief.

Putting words on paper allows us to express our painful feelings rather than stuffing and carrying them around inside of us. We can pour our hearts out in a journal anytime we feel like it. Our journals are always there to receive our thoughts and feelings.

There is no right way to journal. Journaling can start out on a napkin, but you will probably want to purchase a pretty journal. If you are too upset to write anything, just write words and phrases. Explain what you are feeling. Sometimes just to catalog the events of your day helps. Write about the anger. Write about the memories. Write out your prayers to God. Write out scriptures that you are holding onto now.

A grief journal is a valuable tool in the journey of bereavement, and it is also a lasting tribute to the person who has died.

Here are some starters for you:
1. My biggest struggle right now is…
2. The thing that really gets me down is …
3. The worst thing about my loss is…
4. When I feel lonely …
5. The most important thing I’ve learned …
6. I seem to cry most when…
7. I dreamed last night …
8. I heard a song that reminded me of …
9. The experiences I miss the most are …
10. A new hope I found today is …
11. New strengths I have developed since my loss are …
12. A new person I have come to appreciate is …
13. How I leaned on the Lord today is …
14. I am thankful for …
15. A Bible verse that gives hope …