Mentoring Moments for Christian Women » Marriage

Redefining Marriage

Molly — Fri, 18 May 2012 10:00:40 +0000

A vocal minority is seeking to redefine marriage in the United States. As Christians, we believe that marriage is meant to be between one man and one woman….but do we know why? Let our thinking be informed by Ephesians 5:31-32, which says, “’For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

Our culture is confused about the purpose of marriage, and this gives rise to the current controversy. Marriage’s primary purpose is not for our edification, sanctification or pleasure. Nor is procreation the ultimate goal. These are, of course, vital parts of a biblical marriage. But Paul tells us here that marriage is even more than this. It is no less than a representation of the relationship between Christ and His church, and a witness to the beauty of the Gospel.

Marriage must reflect the union of Christ and His church accurately. Polygamy communicates that Christ can have more than one bride. Adultery indicates that Christ and His bride are not required to be faithful to one another. Divorce insinuates that Christ’s covenant with His bride can be broken. Premarital sex suggests that Christ can be intimate with His bride without making any kind of lasting commitment to her. And homosexuality implies that there can be two brides or two husbands. Every perversion of marriage is an affront to God, as it presents false testimony about Christ.

Christ laid down his life to redeem His bride, and they have become one flesh. He loves, leads, and purifies her, and she submits to Him willingly.

The world is watching. We need to be repenting every day of the sin within our own marriages, which veils this glorious Gospel. The church needs to stand for the sanctity of a creation ordinance which is about more than mere freedom of choice or personal preference.

John the Baptist was killed for defending biblical marriage. Are we willing to take a stand?

For a more in-depth presentation on this crucial topic, I highly recommend Jordan Lawrence’s podcast The Battle for Biblical Marriage, which can be downloaded at Blue Behemoth.com.

How to Be a Good Mother In Law

Page — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 10:00:19 +0000

Do you want to be a wonderful mother-in-law? This summer two of our sons will get married and I have been asking God to show me how to become a great mother-in-law to my two new daughters.

God brought me to Exodus 18 during my Bible study. It is a passage that describes a time when Moses’ father-in-law Jethro came to visit Moses. Jethro took time to hear all that had been happening in Moses’ life. (verse Then he rejoiced with Moses over all that had been happening and they worshipped (verse 9). Jethro took time to observe what was happening in Moses’ daily life and asked pertinent questions to understand why Moses was investing his time judging the people “from morning until evening” (verse 14). After listening, observing, and asking pertinent questions to try to understand what was going on from his son-in-law’s perspective Jethro offered suggestions of specific ways Moses could use his time more wisely.

Verse 27 says “Moses said farewell and his father-in-law went his way into his own land.” What a great reminder that giving wise counsel is necessary, but so is returning home and allowing the son or daughter-in-law to make the decisions they need to make.

Jethro is a great example that an in-law can be a valuable mentor. When we listen and invest in our kid’s lives, practice patience and understanding and allow our children to be independent, that relationship can grow to be a blessing and your new daughters will not just be daughters-in-law but daughters-in-love.

Mentoring Marriage

Carla Anne — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 10:00:43 +0000

It’s not unusual for younger women to ask older women for some advice on marriage. Sometimes friends ask friends, nieces ask aunts, granddaughters ask grandmothers, daughters ask moms. It’s natural for women to want strong, healthy marriages and to talk to others about how to do it better.

As the older woman, one thing to guard against here is husband-bashing. It starts out simply – they’re just describing what life is like at home. But there is a fine line between giving information and complaining or making a husband sound like a real scoundrel. He might be! But it’s important to remember that he is still made in the image of God and he is still the only man for this woman.

If you have a daughter who is coming to you for advice, be especially cautious. You want to keep the communication open. You want to hear her heart. But as you get caught up in the drama of her life it can be hard not to react to what’s happening to your little girl. You may feel like your son-in-law is a heel and waste of time, but those are never words that should come out of your mouth!

Unless there is abuse (and be sure it actually is abuse) it is your job to encourage her to stay in her marriage, to grow as a godly wife, to remain faithful, and to turn her heart toward her husband. Challenge her to focus on obedience to God in her communication and actions toward her husband. Show her how to be thankful for the man God has given her and to train her lips to speak well of him.

If you are mentoring a marriage, you are swimming upstream. Our culture tells us if your marriage gets hard, give up and get a new one. It’s not popular to encourage women to stay in difficult marriages. But it is God’s way. He says that with Him all things are possible. And that includes finding joy while obeying Him in a not-so-great (yet?) marriage.

If you are mentoring a marriage, may God bless you. It’s a tough job! May the Lord grant you wisdom and strength as you serve Him in this way.

Carla Anne Coroy

Affair Proof Your Marriage

Page — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 10:00:31 +0000

1 Corinthians 7:1-5

This week I had someone contact me and ask me to pray for a lady with two children whose husband deceived her and left her. He told the family that they were moving for his job. They sold their home, packed all of their belongings, moved in with her parents until their new home was ready. He left and called a few days later to tell her he was not coming back.

My heart fell when I heard their story. How could someone be so cruel and calculated to rip a mother and children from their home only to leave? Stories like this one are common these days. Everything from renewing old friendships on facebook to just growing apart dot not just our world but our churches as well. That is why I felt so compelled to choose this scripture. When you say, “I do,” to your spouse it is also “I do,” to God’s plan for your life and marriage. It is saying no to any physical or emotional relationship with anyone who is not your husband. Here are some guidelines that can affair proof your marriage if both spouses follow them.

*Do not text, call for social reasons, or chat on a computer with anyone who is not your spouse. If your business compels you to speak to someone of the opposite sex, keep it business and hang up when business is complete.

* Allow your spouse to have access to your phone and computer. Accountability is a good deterrent.

* Do not get into a vehicle alone with a person of the opposite sex.

*Do not go into a house or out to eat alone with someone who is not your spouse.

* Maintain a healthy physical relationship with your spouse.

Please share these easy steps with your mate. Talk about them and make a commitment to each other to stay pure in your marriage.

Alpha, Beginning–Omega, the End

Daphne — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 10:00:39 +0000

I hit the snooze button up to three times. My husband asks, “Why not set it right the first time?”

We put on our sneakers for our morning walk. We ask, “How’d you sleep?” and tell tales of our dreams.

We walk several blocks. We walk, we talk.

Heading back home, we reflect on the day and stop to pray.

Jesus is our Alpha—the beginning to our day.

I get ready for work. At the sink, I pray.

As I do my hair, I read God’s word.

Jesus is my Alpha.

My husband sits, coffee in hand, Bible in lap—bowing his head.

I walk by and smile. Thank you, God.

Jesus is his Alpha.

I go to work. My husband—he works from home.

Throughout our day, Jesus is our Alpha.

As our day nears its end, we lock all the doors and climb into bed.

I open my Bible. He opens his.

We each read a chapter.

Our Jesus, Omega—our end He is.

We lay face to face and discuss what we’ve read.

We pray for the day, say, “I love you.” We kiss.

Alpha, Omega—Jesus is.

Although this year ends, another begins.

My prayer, my heart: Jesus, please stay

Our Alpha, Omega.

Amen and Amen.

Daphne Tarango

Daphne’s post today is part of Mentoring Moment’2012 theme called Jesus Is. Feel free to share via email, Facebook, or Twitter.

Avoid Mr. Wrong One and Marry Mr. Right

Cheryl — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 10:00:18 +0000

A. How to Marry the Wrong Person
1. Date someone who is a non-believer
2. Decide you’ll get married at all costs
3. Become sexually involved with the person or live together first
4. Find someone you believe you can change after you’re married
5. Date someone with an addiction or other serious issues
6. Date someone who is married or who divorced for non-biblical reasons

B. How to Marry the Right Person
1. Be God’s right person first
2. Find Your Identity and value in Christ not a dating or love relationship
3. Give up your own desires and seek God’s will
4. Refuse all moral and spiritual compromise
5. Be truly content in your present situation
6. Find your place to serve Christ
7. Step out in faith when God introduces you

Ephesians 4:2-3
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”

Ten Ways to Get Husbands to Talk…

Cheryl — Mon, 31 Oct 2011 10:00:30 +0000

Basic Premise: There are no husbands who will not talk, only husbands who do not believe they will be listened to. If your husband believes you will listen to him, he will talk to you.

This is a question that we are asked often. These are some practical ideas that work.

A.        The Seven Most Common Reasons Men Don’t Talk to their Wives
1.         They are afraid their thoughts and ideas will be criticized and rejected.
2.         They do not feel they are as verbally skilled as their wives.
3.         They are convinced they will lose the exchange.
4.         They were taught as children to be quiet or face the consequences.
5.         They are uncomfortable talking about feelings.
6.         They don’t want to become emotional and appear weak.
7.         They do not believe they will be listened to.

B.        The Five Most Common Mistakes Women Make in Talking to their Husbands
1.         They expect an immediate response or answer thus pressuring him.
2.         They assume men enjoy conversation just as much as they do and are just being difficult or stubborn thus misunderstanding them.
3.         They don’t understand men talk as the result of doing an activity, whereas women see talking as the activity itself thus expecting him to open up while sitting still.
4.         They interrupt, evaluate, or criticize their husband’s thoughts as soon as he speaks them thus discouraging him.
5.         They are uncomfortable with “dead air” and try to fill in the awkward silence with their own words thus shutting him down.

C.        Ten Questions You Can Ask your Husband to Get Him to Talk
1.         “So what is the most fulfilling aspect of your job?”
2.         “Who is the one person you admire most at work and why?”
3.         “What would you change about the place you work if it was up to you?”
4.         “Who did you admire most growing up?”
5.         “What’s the best compliment anyone ever paid you?”
6.         “Growing up, who made you feel the most loved and why?”
7.         “If I could change two things about me that would make me an easier person to live with, what would they be?”
8.         “What would you most like to be remembered for?”
9.         “If you could spend the rest of your life doing just what you really enjoy doing, what would that be?”
10.       “Tell me about two or three of the best days of your life.”

D.        Seven Winning Strategies to Get your Husband to Talk
1.         Ask you husband a sincere question, and then do not say anything until he responds.
2.         When he does respond, resist every impulse within you to evaluate, criticize, alter or reject what he has just said.
3.         Instead, smile and say something affirming such as, “I respect your feelings…” or “I can understand how you would feel that way.”
4.         If there are pauses or periods of silence, say nothing and instead give him time and space to continue his thoughts.
5.         Ask probing questions to draw out further information such as, “Tell me more…” or ”What did that do to you?” or “What happened next?”
6.         Under no circumstances start an argument or use his words against him later.
7.         Allow at least 30 minutes to an hour to hear him out (don’t start sharing your thoughts until he assures you he has said everything he has to say on a subject).

Remember, marriage is for better for worse for keeps.

Bob will be speaking on this subject on TLN LIVE with Jerry and Shirley Rose, live on Tuesday evening, November 1st at 7:00 pm (a special night of Prayer and Promise) on Total Living Network. If you don’t have this station in your town, you can watch live streaming during the show at www.TLN.com.

The Wedding You Don’t Want to Miss

Cheryl — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 10:00:04 +0000

Revelation 19:5-9

⁵Then a voice came from the throne, saying:
“Praise our God, all you his servants, you who fear him, both small and great!”

⁶Then I heard what sounded like a great multitude, like the roar of rushing waters and like loud peals of thunder, shouting:
“Hallelujah! For our Lord God Almighty reigns.
⁷Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.

⁸Fine linen, bright and clean, was given her to wear.” (Fine linen stands for the righteous acts of the saints.)
⁹
Then the angel said to me, “Write: ‘Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!’ ” And he added, “These are the true words of God.

Remember, marriage is for better for worse for keeps.

Which Wall is Your Ladder Leaning Against?

Cheryl — Wed, 19 Oct 2011 10:00:52 +0000

We live in a busy culture–too busy at times. Let me remind you that we work to live; we ought not live to work. Spouses who spend their entire lives giving their best shot to the company often make a sad discovery as they grow older. Though they’ve reached the top of the corporate ladder, they discover it’s leaning against the wrong wall.

A successful businessman once refused to participate in a heart disease reduction program at work. “Why would I want to live longer?” he said, “I have only a banking relationship with my family.”

Choosing to make your marriage your first priority may be difficult, particularly if you’ve been committed to giving your best to your work. But we can discover a new level of joy and intimacy in marriage when we lean our ladder against the right wall–God and a fulfilling marriage and family.

And he said to them, “Take care, and be on your guard against all covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions.” Luke 12:15

Remember, marriage is for better, for worse, and for keeps.

Defeat Self-focus the Zacchaeus Way

Cheryl — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 10:00:43 +0000

“When Jesus reached the spot, he looked up and said to him, “Zacchaeus, come down immediately. I must stay at your house today.” So he came down at once and welcomed him gladly. All the people saw this and began to mutter, “He has gone to be the guest of a sinner.^“But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.” Jesus said to him, ”Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.” Luke 19:5-10

Learn How to Defeat a Self-focused Lifestyle from Zacchaeus:

1. Accept Jesus’ invitation to enter into close and intimate friendship with Him.
2. Be willing to abandon your position of sitting out life.
3. Don’t listen to what others are saying about you – focus on what God is saying to you.
4. Decide here and now you there is more joy in giving than taking.
5. Focus on making the remainder of your life a blessing to others.
6. Make restitution wherever possible.
7. Let your new identity in Christ, not your career or achievements, define who you are.
8. Never forget how far God has gone to seek you out.

Remember, marriage is for better for worse for keeps.

When I Survey the Wondrous Cross
Isaac Watts 1707

When I survey the wondrous cross

On which the Prince of glory died,

My richest gain I count but loss,

And pour contempt on all my pride.

Forbid it, Lord, that I should boast,

Save in the death of Christ my God!

All the vain things that charm me most,

I sacrifice them to His blood.

See from His head, His hands, His feet,

Sorrow and love flow mingled down!

Did e’er such love and sorrow meet,

Or thorns compose so rich a crown?

Were the whole realm of nature mine,

That were a present far too small;

Love so amazing, so divine,

Demands my soul, my life, my all.

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