Teaching Teens to Handle Money

Do you find yourself saying these words:

Do you think money grows on trees?

or

What do you think I’m made of, money?

When my kids hit middle-school age I felt like I was constantly shelling out money for the movies, Chick-fil-A, youth group activities, and new clothes. I wanted my kids to have all of this but what yanked my chain was they did not seem to appreciate the value of money.

Chuck and I came up with a plan that taught a great life lesson to our children. We figured out how much money we spent on them over a twelve-month period. This included clothes, fun money, and summer camp. We then divided the amount by twelve and came up with their weekly allowance.

We sat down with the kids and explained the value of budgeting, tithing, generous giving, and saving. We even took it a step further and presented it in typed form and had them sign it.

My boys still enjoy wearing only designer clothes, but they bid for them on e-bay or watch for sales. They don’t mind drinking water and using coupons when they go out to eat with their buddies or on a date.

I knew Wesley understood the value of a dollar when one evening after the movies he and his friends stopped to buy ice cream at Marble Slab. Wes was shocked at the price and convinced his friends that he had a much cheaper plan. They bought a gallon of ice cream from Wal-Mart and a package of plastic spoons for the price of two double dipped cones. Wesley’s innovative idea is now a tradition after the movies.

Covenant Eyes

I have made a covenant with my eyes.  Job 31:1

The internet is a wonderful tool for ministry, education, networking and entertainment.  But it also poses significant dangers.  Thanks to the home computer and the internet, the pornography industry is growing by leaps and bounds.

Have you taken steps to protect your family?  We cannot afford to bury our heads in the sand.  Did you know….

• The largest group of viewers of Internet porn is children between ages 12 and 17 (Family Safe Media, December 15, 2005).
• Pornographers disguise their sites with common brand names and misspellings designed to entrap people. (examples: ESPN and Disney). (Source-surveillance study, March 1999).
  • In 2001, a study by the Kaiser Family Foundation discovered among all online youth ages 15-17: (GenerationRx.com) that 70% say they have accidentally stumbled across pornography online.
  • The average age of first exposure to Internet porn is 8 (Family Safe Media, December 15, 2005).
  • Most often, children are exposed to internet pornography while trying to do their homework.

These statistics, and many more, can be found on the Covenant Eyes website.

Pornography is an insidious trap.  Often children are exposed to it accidentally the first time, yet it lodges like a barb in the heart which continues to leak poison.  As wives and mothers, we need to take the time to understand the dangers and to provide a hedge of protection for our families. The first step is to eliminate internet pornography from the home.

Covenant Eyes offers both accountability and filtering, with multiple-user discounts for households and ministries.  Filtering allows you to set user names and passwords for each person in your household, determining which sites will be allowed and during what hours of the day the internet can be accessed.  The filtering software is flexible to allow for complete customization for each user.  Covenant Eyes also offers accountability software, which monitors Internet usage and then emails a report about every website that was accessed to one or two trusted Accountability Partners.  The reports also provide scoring, allowing accountability partners to recognize immediately questionable websites, searches and more.

Click here to read details about Covenant Eyes Accountability Software and Filtering Software.

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What Do You Believe?

For the past few years we have been using a catechism to teach our children the core tenets of the Christian faith.  Catechisms are simple dialogues which summarize what we believe in a question and answer format.  There are several versions of the catechism available free online, including The Westminster Shorter Catechism, The Catechism for Young Children and A Baptist Catechism.

A parent or Sunday School teacher asks the child a question, and helps him to learn the correct answer, much in the way math facts are taught and drilled. In this way, even a preschooler can learn what a Christian believes.

Knowledge of the catechism helps our children to recognize truth–and error–when they hear it.  Our children will be bombarded with voices, all claiming to be true.  Many will say they are Christians, and yet will not hold to the bedrock teachings of the Christian faith.  As Christian parents, it is our duty before God to raise up children who “correctly handle the Word of truth” (2 Timothy 2: 15).  Knowledge of the Catechism can be a wonderful aid in this.

We recently discovered Holly Dutton’s Westminster Shorter Catechism Songs. On these four CDs, Holly sets the questions and answers of the Westminster Shorter Catechism to music.  The catechism is presented verbatim, with no extra lyrics.  Songs are performed with guitar and voice, and are easy to sing along with.

After listening to the sample tracks on her website, I bought all four CDs.  My children listen to these songs as they are falling asleep, and we also keep one of the CDs in our car.  All of us have found learning the catechism to be much easier since we started listening to Holly’s songs….even me!

Teaching Scripture

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.”   Proverbs 27: 1-2

On Tuesday I shared how my family learns scriptures by setting the words to songs. If you missed that post, click here.

Just as important as memorizing scripture is knowing what the scripture means. So just how did I apply the meaning of this verse to real life for children of various ages?

A whole lesson can be done on just the word boast, although this verse has so much more.

1) It clearly says not to brag. Does this mean we cannot share things with others that we do well or are proud of?

* We can teach to check our motive before speaking or sharing. Our motive should be pure, meaning our reason for sharing is not to gain attention, to look better than someone, or to put another person down. Our motive is to share something we are excited about.

* Talk about motive. Our motive for sharing good news or our successes should be pure. Knowing this principle helps a child (and us) think through the difference between bragging and sharing exciting news. It helps them make right choices of whether or not it is okay to:

• show a friend their newest trick they can do on their bike
• let their friends know they made an A on a super-hard literature writing assignment
• share about being accepted into medical school
• show their new purple Converse tennis shoes

2) The verse says not to brag about tomorrow for we don’t know what tomorrow may bring. This means our trust needs to be in God, not in ourselves, our talents, strengths, skills, abilities, money, jobs, or possessions.

• The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. He has made us, created each of us uniquely with nothing to brag about in our own strength, but all glory should go to Him. We can not count on our own ability being here tomorrow. Our job is to give our whole selves to Him and use all that He has given us in talents and resources with a pure heart of serving today.
• This means letting go of wanting to manipulate things by trying to make things happen. This applies to waiting on God to bring a future spouse to us rather than, as teenagers, trying to make sure people notice us so that we are sure to get a date. We should be so confident in God’s plan, knowing His timing is perfect, His way is best, His person is far better than we could imagine, that we serve Him wherever He calls us — even if it is working with preschoolers while all of our friends are in the college program mingling with each other.
• If the house we want to buy is sold to someone else, should we be mad or should we immediately recognize that it was not God’s will for us?Things are not important to God. People are. Be about others. If you are more concerned about your nice car, house, or clothes, your priorities will be out of line. Are you more concerned about keeping your second car in mint condition rather than letting the furloughed missionaries use it while visiting?
• If your vacuum lines on the carpet become more important to you than opening your home, as God leads you to do, to allow a group from the youth group to come over, then you are not fully aware that you are holding onto something that could be gone tomorrow, rather than investing in people.
• Everything we have should be given to the Lord to use for Him… even a child’s new basketball.  He can be taught this so that he learns to easily share.

4) Let another man praise you, and not your own lips.

• There it is again; don’t brag. In fact, if you’re good at something, someone else is going to notice anyway. You don’t have to tell them.
• Our focus, our motive, should be on serving and glorifying the Lord. When our motive easily slips into “I want people to notice me” or “I am doing this so people can see my talents,” we should stop our activity until our motive is right.
• If you have a child who brags on everything, stop the world (stop the busyness of life and make this a priority) and deal with the deeper issue of the heart.
• Perhaps there is a problem with putting things over people. If this is the case, most likely sharing is difficult because this person likes his things just right, for no one to touch his things. Teach this child to share and to be about relationships more than “hey, look at my new shoes… AAHH. Don’t step on my new shoes! MOM, He got my shoes dirty!”
• There is no reason for us to try to impress anyone.
• Teach kids how to receive a compliment. When someone says, “You look nice,” say “thank you” not “No, I don’t. I forgot to wear my mascara.” One is respectful and one response puts the other person in an awkward situation.
• Teach kids how to deflect praise.  A compliment to your child of “You play basketball so great” could be replied with “Thank you. I have my older brother to thank for playing on the court with me and teaching me the ropes.”   Perhaps you’ve heard Heisman Trophy winner Florida Gator Quarterback Tim Tebow say when complimented that his whole team works hard to make things happen.
• Teach kids how to give a compliment – sincere, specific words rather than flattery (lots of verses on this in Proverbs!) This helps kids cheer for others, be comfortable with the success and strengths of others as well as confident in the way the Lord has created them.
• We should be complimenting our children on character, on their heart, on motives far more than on the outward appearance, although I do think we should tell our children how beautiful/handsome God has made them.
• Encouraging words should flow from our lips to others with the motive to build them up. They should not be spoken with the motive to look good or to gain friends. “Encourage one another and build each other up” Ephesians 4:29 and I Thes 5:11

Singing Scriptures

My children and I like to put scripture verses to random tunes that we come up with. For years we have recorded these treasured made-up tunes onto a cassette tape. Recently, a friend and I were laughing together at my ancient technology, and she suggested we video our singing. So we did.

“Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips.”   Proverbs 27: 1-2

We thought it fun to put similar words to the tune of a familiar song from the musical Annie.  “Tomorrow, Tomorrow, don’t boast about tomorrow.. for we know not what a day may bring..Let another man praise you and not your own lips.”

On one particular home school day, I was watching a friend’s children while she was caring for her mother out of town. I was also homeschooling my nephew, and this whole process was new to them. We had a good time, but none of us expected this to be shown anywhere–or we would have performed better. Here we are sharing it with you just to be real and encourage you to invest time and scripture into your children’s lives.

Friday I’ll be back to share how to explain this scripture to children.

Editor’s Note: This email contains a video. If you are unable to view it click here.

Family Movie Night: City of Ember

City of Ember, DVDBy 20th Century Fox Jeanne Duprau’s best-selling novel comes to life in this heart-thumping adventure for your whole family. When an underground city’s generator fails, the glittering street lamps fade—along with the residents’ dreams. Following clues from ancient Builders, can two teens find a way out of Ember before darkness falls forever? Starring Tim Robbins, Bill Murray, and Saoirse Ronan. Rated PG. Approx. 95 minutes.

We recently watched the movie City of Ember as a family.  Although some of the younger ones were a little scared because of the tense adventure moments, we were pleased with the overall content.  There was no sexual content, no immodesty, no bad language, no real violence and no irreverent references to God.

Because the movie is set in a manufactured city totally sustained by a generator that is failing, the lights glow with a man-made yellow light that turns into complete darkness when the generator runs low.  These dark and yellow lights lend a bit of a scary tone for younger viewers.  There are also a few tense moments as pipes burst, corruption is revealed and over-sized moles come looking for food.

What I loved about this movie is how it can easily be used to talk to your kids about the things of God.  The citizens of Ember are going to die.  The generator is failing and when it does, their lives will end.  This is easily likened to our lives without Christ.  If we remain citizens of this spiritually dark world (literally dark in the City of Ember) we will die.

The Builders of Ember have left instructions for the citizens explaining how to get out of the dark world and into the light.  They’ve made it simple, yet hidden.  Just like our Creator has left instructions for us to find the Light.  He’s made it so simple, yet the Bible tells us that it will confuse the wise.

In the beginning of the movie you see a young girl drawing a picture with a crayon.  She draws a house, a tree and is about to color the sky.  She chooses the color blue, even though within her world of Ember the sky is black.  As the story goes on you see how people have wondered about real light, the color of the sky and that some have even believed so deeply in “the world out there” that they have sacrificed much to find it. Even this points to a Scriptural reference in which we are told that God has hidden eternity in our hearts.

Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart.
Ecclesiastes 3:11 NLT

Each one of us at one time or another wonders if we were created for something more.  We all ask God-sized questions.  We inquire about our purpose and our longings.  In the City of Ember there are a few people who kept searching no matter the obstacle.  They pressed on, even when others around them attempted to shut them down or make the search impossible.

That reminded me of these verses:

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Jeremiah 29:13  NIV

And if you search for him with all your heart and soul, you will find him.
Deuteronomy 4:29b  NLT

If you haven’t seen the movie, I would recommend it for your family with children over the age of eight.  If you have seen it but missed the scriptural parallels I’d recommend another viewing.  Plan to ask some thought-provoking questions of your kids when you are done.

Then ask yourself some hard questions:  Are you searching for God with all your heart?  As if your life depends on it?  The truth is that your life does depend on it.

I Believe in Miracles

“Everything is possible for him who believes” [Mark 9:27].

On the wall just next to the lamp is a sign—I believe in miracles—given Christmas 2007 in a gift exchange game.  Unbeknownst to the giver, after years of pain and disappointment, a promise had been given—“by Christmas a new baby girl would arrive into our family through the home of our daughter.” This promise was, by all human and earthly accounts, impossible.

Suddenly, through the adoption process, the promise seemed to be happening. Then failure and the promise was lost.  The promise unfulfilled left sadness and almost an end of hope.

Until Christmas 2008 when the promise came alive. On December 27th, the promise from heaven was delivered into the arms of our daughter and the heart of our family–Ava Grace…a miracle of God!

Don’t ever give up…keep on believing. “God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?” [Numbers 23:19]

“Faith, mighty faith the promise sees; And rests on that alone: Laughs at impossibilities, And says it shall be done.” [Charles Wesley]

Related Reading: Isaiah 40:28-31 Mark 10:27

A Lasting Legacy

Every year when Christmas comes, I have a dilemma.  I want to give my husband a gift that will blow his mind, make him remember it all year, and know that I am head over heels in love with him after 14 years and five children.  He is a wonderful and loving man, and he is always appreciative of whatever he receives (socks included!), but he’s just not as dramatic as I am about expressing it.

A while back it occurred to me that I was seeking, not so much to please him, as to get a reaction from him that affirmed me.  I became more determined, not just for my husband but for all on our gift list, that I would give gifts that were truly meaningful and long-lasting.  I have a project this year that I pray will do just that.

I’ve been creating journals for my husband and each of our children.  I have done this since the kids’ births, but I this year I am creating mini-journals just for Christmas.  I found little brown ruled hardcover books, and throughout the year as I have been inspired, I have written notes to them.  Even more importantly, often as I have journaled my own personal devotions, I have done it in their books.  If I read a passage that inspires, challenges, or convicts me, especially in relation to one of the children, I write it right into his or her book.  I share my dreams and hopes for them, as well as my own personal challenges and desires to see God work in my life.

I know there will be days as they grow that they are struggling in life or that they are less than pleased with me.  There will be days when my own frail humanity will override my love for them in their eyes, and I pray that they will be able to have a glimpse into my walk with Jesus.  I pray that just as we are able to look into God’s word for the intimate stories of His people and their daily struggles and triumphs, my children will be able to walk with me on my journey.  I pray that more than anything, my sharing in this way will be a tool to draw them towards God’s word and closer to His heart.

This gift may not have them jumping up and down and screaming as they tear off the paper, but I believe it will be a lasting legacy that will be someday called “well done…,”  and that’s a Christmas gift I’m glad to give.

Making Christmas Memories

1. a bound composition notebook
2. scrapbooking paper
3. ribbons
4. stickers
5. glue and scissors
6. extra embellishments

• tasty treats
• books we read
• gifts we made
• friends we visited
• people we blessed
• crafts we made
• fun we had

Family Devotions During Christmas

Our family’s Advent celebrations began when our oldest son was 2 years old.  We weren’t doing regular family devotions at that time, but we wanted to incorporate a few things into the season to help our young son learn what Christmas was all about.  We taught him some Christmas hymns that year, and listened to a recorded drama of the Christmas story several times.  He loved to act it out with a plastic nativity set, having memorized many verses from the Luke account thanks to the cassette tape.  Little did we know how the Lord would use that simple beginning to impact the course of our lives.

The next Christmas season we were more intentional, setting aside time to read the Bible and sing every Sunday evening during the weeks leading up to Christmas.  We saw so much fruit from this simple practice that the following year we had family devotions every evening during the month of December.

And then one year, it happened.   As we sang the last Christmas carol and read the last seasonal devotion, we all felt a sense of sadness.  We didn’t want to stop meeting together to sing and read the Bible!  Our worship times together had become too precious to set aside with the Christmas decorations.  The Lord had gently led us from a meaningful Christmas tradition into what has now become a daily part of our lives.

The songs we sing and the Scriptures we read change throughout the year, but the overall structure is the same for us every day.  We sing a song, read some scripture, talk about it, and close in prayer.  Some days, as time permits, we linger over the passage.  Other days, our devotions don’t last more than 10 minutes.  We have seen great fruit from even a little bit, done consistently.  Our desire to spend time in the Word with our children has continued to grow, along with their ability to sit longer, their spiritual hunger, and the depth of their questions and insights about what we are reading.

The Christmas season has the potential to be a spiritually rich time for our families as we marvel together at the Gospel of grace.  Our worship should build toward the celebration of Christ’s birth as we focus on WHY we needed a Savior in the first place.  Our hearts cry out at Christmas for something more than the materialism that the world offers, making this season the perfect time to start family devotions if you aren’t having them already.

This article is excerpted from Molly’s audio podcast Preparing Hearts for Christmas.  You can listen to the full audio right here, or on our podcast audio page.  Visit her blog at http://www.counterculturalmom.blogspot.com to read practical articles about implementing family devotions during the Christmas season. Also, visit our 12 Days of Christmas archives from 2007 and 2008 for many holiday resources.

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