Accepting My Pesky Imperfections

I spoke. She took notes. Toward the end of our session, she asked, “What is the most important thing you said today?”

I said many things in that hour-and-a-half. But to pick one and have to repeat it? I pondered her question aloud: “What is the most important thing I said today?” I searched my mind and I knew what I needed to say, but I didn’t want to. She waited. I sighed.

“I don’t feel loved for who I am so that’s why I try to be perfect…so people will love me for what I do.”

I pursed my lips and nodded slowly, letting it sink in. Yes. I’m a perfectionist.

That was several years ago. Now, I’m a recovering perfectionist. Although I’ve had a lifetime of unrealistic expectations of myself, I’m learning that God doesn’t expect me to be perfect. Because of Jesus, God accepts and loves me for who I am. God isn’t like me–He doesn’t focus on my pesky imperfections.

My expectations
For many years, I did things to gain people’s acceptance. I rescued them. I pushed myself. I worked harder and longer. I’d nitpick things until they were “perfect.” I don’t recall people telling me I had to do these things–although it didn’t stop some of them from asking. But because I got attention for doing well in school while growing up, that overachiever mindset followed me to college, to adulthood, to the working world, and even to church.

Although I couldn’t pinpoint it back then, my expectations for myself were so high, I couldn’t possibly reach them. But I tried anyway. I figured, if I did things perfectly, others–including God–would accept me, and I would feel better about myself. In the end, I didn’t feel better. Exhausted, but not better.

God’s expectations
In the past several years, I’ve learned that God has different expectations of me than I do for myself. Yes, He is perfect, but He knew I couldn’t be. So, He sent Jesus, His perfect Son, to die on the cross for me. When I accepted Jesus into my life, God erased my sins. He welcomed me to live with Him, the perfect God, not only in this life but in the life to come. I cannot be perfect for everyone. But to God, I am perfect. Mature. Complete. Whole. And all because of Jesus.

Still, God knows I’m going to mess up. He knows I’m going to fall short. But because I rely on Jesus’ perfection–not mine–I can relax. I try to excel at whatever I do, and I don’t count it lost if I don’t. I will work at it with all I’ve got and try to live with the utmost integrity, whether at home, work, or church (Colossians 3:23; Matthew 5:48). In the end, I’m not serving anyone else but Him (Ephesians 6:7).

God’s acceptance
Just because I’m serving God doesn’t mean I have to try harder. Although He expects excellence from me, it won’t win Him over. Because of Jesus, God has already accepted me (Romans 15:7). He loves me for who I am, not because of anything I’ve done or will do (Titus 3:4-5). Nothing can take God’s love away from me (Romans 8:38-39). Not even my pesky imperfections.

God’s definition
God accepts me, shortcomings and all, and He defines me. When God looks at me, He doesn’t see demographics, roles, errors, or blunders. He sees what Jesus did for me on the cross.

I was a slave to perfectionism, but God says I am free (Romans 8:2). I was a striving outsider, but God calls me His friend (John1 5:15). I was my own worst critic, but God says I’m forgiven (Ephesians 1:7). I thought I wasn’t good enough, but God calls me His wonderful creation, His handiwork (Psalm 139:14; Ephesians 2:10). God calls me His beloved child (John 1:12; Colossians 3:12).

It has taken almost my entire lifetime, but I’ve started to see myself the way God sees me, and my expectations are now lining up with what He expects of me. I still have those pesky imperfections. I still struggle. And I still nitpick. But because of Jesus, God accepts me no matter what. He loves me, and He alone defines me.

The most important thing I said today bears repeating: “God accepts me. He loves me. And He alone defines me.”

For that, I’m thankful.

Daphne Tarango is a freelance writer and speaker who comforts others with the comfort she herself has received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). She lives in the Southeastern U.S., where she is a leader in a Bible-based recovery program. Contact Daphne at daphne@daphnewrites.com.

5 Practial Ways to Let Go of Perfectionism

1. Identify the triggers that urge you to do just a little bit more.

2. Set limits for what you will do and how much of yourself you will expend for a specific task. For example, “I’ll know I’m done when …”

3. When you reach your goal for what you said you’d do, stop and say, “I’ve given it my all, and that’s good enough.” Take your hands off and walk away.

4. If you’re still having difficulties letting it go, consider what you’d advise your best friend to do, if she were in your shoes, and then apply that advice to yourself.

5. In the end, remind yourself, “God accepts me. He loves me. And He alone defines me.”

Daphne Tarango is a freelance writer and speaker who comforts others with the comfort she herself has received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). She lives in the Southeastern U.S., where she is a leader in a Bible-based recovery program. Contact Daphne at daphne@daphnewrites.com.

Ketchup and Mustard, Please

I stretched my hair net over my curls, washed my hands, and put on gloves. As I walked to the serving station, my eyes scanned the room. Raining and storming outside. A couple hundred people inside. People.

Young.

Old.

Black.

White.

Down on their luck.

Homeless.

A booming voice emerged out of the crowd, “Let us pray.” I bowed my head and listened. In my heart, I prayed, “Lord, please multiply this food.”

And so it began.

Burgers.

Fries.

Bread.

Lettuce.

Tea.

And ice cream.

I had the lettuce. It’s the last on the food line, so I get to hand the plate to each person. I love it! It gives me an opportunity to ask how each person is doing, smile, look them in the eyes, and joke with them about getting their veggies.

I see familiar faces every time I go to the homeless shelter, and they recognize me. I’m always humbled and moved when I see years of pain, bruises, and tattered clothes on God’s beautiful children.

Someone on my team set out the condiments. Ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, and all the burger fixings.

A middle-aged woman–not more than 5-feet tall–picked up her plate, turned around toward the tables, and stopped. “Ketchup and mustard?!? That’s rich people stuff.”

She rushed over and piled the condiments onto her plate like a child unattended in a candy store.

Rich people stuff. I don’t know about you, but when I think of the wealthy, I don’t think of condiments. I see fancy cars, a huge home, and other luxuries.

That middle-aged woman sees it differently. I have a car and a home. I have ketchup, and I have mustard. Indeed, I am wealthy.

I may not be where I want to be in life. I may be facing many hardships.

Addictions.

Hurts.

Illness.

Family conflicts.

Financial troubles.

But God has promised never to leave me or to forsake me–whatever my circumstance (Hebrews 13:5). I can take comfort not in the riches of this world, but in the riches of faith, family, friends, food, and yes, ketchup and mustard.

Daphne Tarango is a freelance writer and speaker who comforts others with the comfort she herself has received from God (2 Corinthians 1:3-4). She lives in the Southeastern U.S., where she is a leader in a Bible-based recovery program. Contact Daphne at daphne@daphnewrites.com.

Advice For When You Meet a Joy Vampire

Romans 12:1-2

There are jobs, sometimes even people in our life that may be joy suckers. My husband calls them joy vampires.  These people and jobs cause our mind to turn from thinking on the positive and good around us to focusing on the negative.

If it is your job stealing your joy, pray about your attitude.  Look at it from the perspective of what God has to say.  Colossians. 3:17 reminds us to do whatever we do in word or deed in the name of the Lord Jesus giving thanks to God the Father through Him.  Look at your job by asking how could the way I respond further His kingdom.  Maybe it is like the neighborhood children who never seemed to leave my house during the summer.  I was seeing money and food, but God was seeing the lost and hurting.  Ask God to change your mind and heart toward whatever it is that sucks your joy out.

If it is people who are robbing your joy ask God to reveal to you why.  Is it that they are just negative by nature?   Are they demanding and expect compliance from you?  Be very careful because too much time spent with a joy sucker can affect your attitude.  Rick Warren says, “What gets your mind gets you.”  When you are tempted to get discouraged, angry,  or you feel taken advantage of be very careful that you see the enemy attack for what it is.  Pray and ask God to give you His perspective.  Try to define what is stealing your joy.  Ask God to reveal anything you aren’t seeing then remedy your situation by thinking on good.  Study scripture and allow truth to permeate your thoughts.

Focus on Jesus, and limit time with joy sucking people when possible.  Make sure you do not become a joy sucker.  Your mind really is the battle field, and where you allow your mind to rest will determine your heart attitude.

 

Do I Trust God?

I always thought I trusted God. But situations came up that showed me I didn’t really trust Him as much as I thought. Instead, I trusted in others and myself.

For example, years ago when our firstborn left for college, I lamented to my husband, “Now I can’t protect her any more.”

“You never were the one protecting her,” he replied. “God was.”

What? Wasn’t I the one who held her hand as a young child to keep her safe as she crossed the street? And what about the limits I set when she became a teen? I thought I was protecting my daughter. When I realized it was God all along, I knew I could trust Him to continue protecting her when she no longer lived at home. And He did.

Then there was the matter of employment. When my husband was unexpectedly laid off, it felt like a big crisis. We had a family and needed income! I realized I had been trusting in that company to provide for us, not God. But it was God all along. He used that job to provide our financial needs for a time. But when my husband no longer worked there, God found other ways to provide: unexpected gifts of food and money, more education for my husband, and a new career. Another new revelation: God provides, not employers. I needed to trust in God alone.

Matthew 6:25-34 comforted me then and still does. In this passage we’re told not to worry about food, drink, and clothes. Our heavenly Father knows we need them. If God takes care of flowers and birds, He will surely provide for us.

You may not have a child leaving home or an unemployed spouse, but we all face challenges that stretch our trust in God. During hard times, we are forced to throw ourselves on the Lord and find Him trustworthy in new areas. Although people and things disappoint us, God never will. As we live one day at a time, we can encourage ourselves from God’s Word, knowing it won’t change or be impacted by the economy. It’s always the same—rich with wisdom and encouragement.

Now I’m a grandmother and hopefully a little wiser. I know God’s Word is true and that He is faithful. But at times I still struggle to trust Him completely. When my trust wavers, rereading Matthew 6:33 helps to refocus my perspective. “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” My part is to seek God, trusting Him to take care of me and of those I love. I’m still learning how.

Heavenly Father, thank You that You know my needs and care about me. Please help me trust You more. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

 

Compassion Around the Kitchen Table

“I am the man who has seen affliction Because of the rod of His wrath. He has driven me and made me walk in darkness and not in light” [Lamentations 3:1-2]

Around the kitchen table  is a place of compassion because it is also a place where the consequences and complications of disobedience are revealed.

In his book, “The Mystery of God’s Will”  Charles Swindoll says, “…when you do wrong, when you compromise with the truth, you begin to be afflicted, because God doesn’t let His children play fast and loose in the traffic.  He faithfully disciplines those He loves. He wants to bring us back. And so, in His mysterious will. He faithfully afflicts us with the rod of righteousness.”

Watching young women struggle with the consequences of their gods of addiction breaks the heart and causes the words of Jesus, “But go and learn what this means: “I desire mercy and not sacrifice” [Matthew 9:13] to pierce the heart with the compassion of Christ turning religion into relationship and His mercy is present to change lives.

Perhaps that’s why He calls us His disciples.  Around the kitchen table we urge one another to stay true to God by living true, but more than that by sharing the mercy of a merciful God.  A God of more than second chance whose mercies are new every morning.  The heart that is changed the most is the one who becomes the channel of compassion  around the kitchen table.

One Act of Obedience

God has His people placed strategically all around the world, serving Him in important ways. Some of the ways may appear insignificant on the outside, but they may be the key to God’s plans. One man drilling a well in West Africa may not appear to have much significance. But when you understand that God had called him and commissioned him, you realize that much more is at stake. It’s not what we do that is important, but what God can accomplish through what we do.

Ezekiel 22:30 does not say God is looking for someone with vast influence, intelligence, family connections, or position.  It says God is looking for one man among others who will serve His purpose, realizing the value of what God has created, and interceding for others so they might not face the consequences of their actions.

“I looked for a man among them who would build up the wall and stand before me in the gap on behalf of the land so I would not have to destroy it, but I found none.” (Ezekiel 22:30)

Are you such a man (woman)? Could your earnest desire to make Christ real to someone be the service that opens a household to the gospel or triggers a ministry that will bless many? It could happen, not because of your potential, but because of God’s ability.

One Christian man sent out a plea for used eyeglasses to distribute in underdeveloped countries. His aim was to help people see physically and spiritually. His obedience to God inspired other Christian optometrists who helped collect more than four thousand pairs of glasses for distribution in South American countries. Remember that the individual is connected to the larger kingdom of God. God can martial His forces in any country at any time if they are ready and willing to listen and obey. One act of obedience can be the signal to thousands of others who have been sensing God is up to something in their lives.

Excerpted from The Man God Uses by Henry Blackaby

All That and a Bag of Chips

Picture a stadium scene. You are running a race. From the packed stands you hear the cries of many people. Some shout, “That’s a pipe dream, get real.” Others, “Prepare yourself for the worst.” Not to be outdone, another group whispers, “She’s not our type. Did you hear about her past? Look what she is wearing!” Some do not even bother to stand as you run past, their silence and averted eyes say it all.

Joyce Landorf Heatherly describes a similar scenario in her book, Balcony People. Let’s take our masks off for a moment, the one we church women like to talk from and hide behind.

How many will admit to feeling scrutiny, not as a teenager, but right now in life? Sadly enough, at the hands of other sisters in Christ? We’ve all been there, in the stands, saying and doing things that tear down instead of build up another’s life.

Picture that balcony again. There is a section, it may seem small but the voices are growing. As you approach you see this group on their feet and as Joyce describes so beautifully they are shouting. “You and I are His child. I believe in you. I’m leaning way, way over your balcony railing; I’m waving my coat above my head, and I’m yelling above the frightening noises of your world, ‘I love you! I believe in you and your abilities! You can do it! Keep at it. Keep on! God chose you before He made the world, and you know what? He’s here beside me; yes that’s right, He’s here, and He’s not sitting down. You are His child, He is your Father. His coat is off too, and we are both in your balcony cheering you on together!”

This reminds me of attending a ladies conference with a group from church. The speaker asked everyone to stand and pair off in groups and join hands. I was expecting to pray, instead she asked us to look into each others’ eyes and speak words of encouragement.  As we began I thought to myself, this is corny. But by the time I spoke the third sentence, I could feel the tears running down my checks. My friends were crying too. It wasn’t coincidence we were standing in the balcony that day affirming one another in Christ.

Dear sisters, we need to take our masks off permanently, admit our needs while affirming and lifting one another up in prayer. I’m not talking about a quick prayer every now and again, but prayers of agreement with people who love you. Women who will hang banners over your balcony saying, “You CAN do all things through Christ Jesus.”

Knowing who we are in Christ is critical; reminding one another is essential. We must never forget we are all sinners saved by grace.

God uses the foolish to confound the wise. Even if you think it’s corny, read aloud my encouragement to you as I recall the words from my day in the balcony.

I’m standing right now in your balcony with a megaphone saying,

“Sister, I don’t know what kind of day you are having. I don’t know how your husband, children, and friends are treating you. What I do know is that YOU are a child of God. YOU are special and called by God, not by chance. He sees YOU and His heart skips a beat. YOU are His daughter. Never forget YOU are the daughter of the King, part of a royal priesthood. He has given YOU life, peace, and joy through Christ Jesus. He has made YOU the head and not the tail. He goes before YOU to prepare YOUR way for so great is His concern and love for YOU. He called YOU, anointed YOU, and gifted YOU. YOU are an overcomer in Christ. When He hears YOUR voice, He stops to listen. YOU make His eyes sparkle and His toes tap. He is enthralled by YOUR beauty. YOU are His precious child and He has made YOU more than a conqueror. You are all that and a bag of chips to our Father God.”

From our balconies let’s proclaim with megaphones and banners the great love and mercy of Christ, reminding one another we truly are daughters of the King!

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith…” Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV)

 

 

Today I’m talking about the challenge of being a ‘fun’ mom over at Joyful Mothering if you’d like to join me.

The Escape: Wellspring Living’s Answer

Human trafficking is a vague term people can be afraid to touch. It’s an intimidating, unclean, and dangerous problem that can easily scare away the kindest of hearts. They look at it and say there are too many women affected by this heinous crime to even begin to help even one of them. Creator of Toms Shoes© Blake Mycoskie could have said the same thing. He could have done the math, figured out it wasn’t feasible to give every single child in the world a new pair of shoes, and not even tried. If that was the case, over 1,000,000 children would not have shoes on their feet today.

So we look at the issue, grim and hopeless as it seems, and do something about it because this is what we are called to do. We are people of action; people who not only claim truth, but live it.

Deuteronomy 31:6 states: “Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.”

We can be assured that God will go before us, no matter what job, mission, or scary issue we are called to advocate for or fight against.

Wellspring Living is located in Atlanta, Georgia and helps survivors of childhood sexual abuse overcome their broken pasts and move toward hopeful futures. Their mission is to confront the issue of childhood sexual abuse and exploitation through advocacy, education, and treatment programs for girls and women. Wellspring Living is a refuge for women and girls who need a chance to start over. Through therapy, education, life skills and spiritual renewal, the Wellspring programs gives participants recovery tools for the body, soul and spirit.

In this post I’d share about my tour of all Wellspring Living’s facilities and how we are fighting for the individual in this vast problem of sexual exploitation. The tour started with me driving down a congested highway heading to North Atlanta. As I reached my first destination, Wellspring’s residential home for women, I automatically felt a wave of peace wash over me. I stepped out of my car into the steamy Georgia heat and looked at the serene home.

I tapped on the door of their administrative offices. The cheery face of Laurie Sussman greeted me and ushered me into her air-conditioned office. I started to jot down notes as she told me about the Wellspring for Women program. This program is for women ages 18-35 who are actively seeking a way out of their current lifestyle. Some of these women have been exploited for most of their lives. Some have been involved in substance abuse, self-mutilation or eating disorders, and all have decided they want help. Wellspring Living is a program offering tangible ways to escape these lifestyles. They do this by offering an individualized recovery plan through counseling, life skills education, family therapy and spiritual encouragement. Laurie has watched women who have been sexually abused since the age of five come through the program and leave with a completely new hope for the future. I was able to meet some of the women in the program, and each introduction was different. Some of the women I met were timid, not meeting my eye contact or barely grasping my hand. Others were kind and welcoming, offering insightful questions and friendly additions to our conversations. All of them had one similar quality: hope.

Next I drove to the Wellspring for Girls program, which provides residential recovery, counseling, group therapy, education and vocational training for girls ages 12-17. While visiting these girls, I met questioning stares and untrusting comments. These girls harbored anger and rebellious attitudes because of what they were forced to experience at a very young age. The shells surrounding these girls are much harder to crack because they haven’t come to the realization that their past can gravely affect their future unless they seek help. Wellspring Living is working to show these girls their worth and point them toward a greater hope for a new life.

Wellspring has a counseling center for outpatient counseling and an assessment center to provide crisis stabilization for women seeking help. The Lynn Sweet Counseling Center is committed to helping women in a confidential and non-threatening environment. Wellspring Redeemed Assessment Center seeks to identify long-term placement to meet each woman’s specific needs and serve as a point of entry into the Wellspring for Women residential program. Combined, all four centers are working to eradicate the problem of human trafficking in Georgia.

If you would like to learn more about WellSpring Living visit their website, blog, and follow on Twitter and Facebook. If you would like a Wellspring Living representative to come and speak at your church, Sunday School class, civic group or company, fill out the form on this link: http://www.wellspringliving.org/request-a-speaker.php.

Join Wellspring Living’s fight against human trafficking!

Jessica Smith
My name is Jessica Smith and I am a typical Southern girl from Marietta, GA. Over the past 25 years, I have been able to travel to more than 20 countries working with orphanages, college ministries, and organizations aiding the hurting and loving the unlovable. I landed back on American soil on June 1st of this year and just starting working for Wellspring in mid-July. Glory to God for all that He has done!

Words from the Wise: Jeannette Clift George

[NOTE: Often when we hear “mentoring,” we only think of the one-on-one kind. However, it struck me recently that I had been mentored by many women who never knew my name. I heard them speak or read their books and through their words, they mentored me. This series which will be posted occasionally includes some of the lessons we can learn when we receive Words from the Wise.]

Many years ago I attended the Tennessee Valley Women’s Retreat and heard Jeanette Clift George speak.  This talented Christian author, Bible teacher, and actress, best known for her role as Corrie Ten Boom in the movie The Hiding Place, proved her expertise as a platform speaker from the moment she opened her mouth.

With her wit and acted-out stories, Jeannette kept her audience wiping their eyes and laughing until they held their sides. But her stories also had spiritual points—driven home with a refreshing honesty. She freely admitted that she had spent much of her life feeling as if she “just didn’t fit in.” With such candid admissions of failure, she gained our empathy, and we were not afraid to admit the same feelings and failures. For a time it was as if she were sitting across a table talking with each of us friend to friend.

Jeanette spoke about “life in the rapids.” I bought her book Travel Tips from a Reluctant Traveler and was glad to find it full of wit and wisdom. In it she writes:

“The Christian life is joyous. However, it isn’t always easy….One morning I was on my way to work after a previous day that had been very difficult. Months earlier, I had taken an executive training seminar. The consultants had advised, ‘In times of stress, remove everything that is not urgent from your desk.’ I had, but it hadn’t made any difference.

“I’d decided to leave home an hour early that morning so I could get started on the remnants of yesterday’s work, but that seemed a hopeless cause. Traffic was bad. The car in front of me was driving too close to me [think about that for a moment!]. I cried out ‘Oh, Lord! Slow everything down.’ I realized God would say to me, ‘Jeannette, don’t ask Me to slow down the rapids. The nature of the rapids is that they are rapid.’ God’s action toward us isn’t always to change the nature of our dilemma. Instead, He gives us principles that work within the dilemma, principles to keep us afloat in the rapids.”

In one of her messages Jeannette mentioned how as an actress she must learn scripts. Not having a good memory required her to repeat the lines over and over. One day it occurred to her that if we are repeating our problems over and over to ourselves and others we may be memorizing them and therefore making them a part of the script of our daily lives.

Jeannette admitted that she is sometimes confused as to why God uses the methods He does. For instance, what happened at the 1975 world premiere of The Hiding Place seemed illogical—at first. World Wide Pictures (an arm of the Billy Graham Evangelistic Association) held the gala premiere in Hollywood, hoping to get a lot of publicity for the picture. But the word was out: it was a Christian film! The media stayed away in droves.

The movie’s stars attended the premiere as well as Billy Graham and Corrie Ten Boom herself. As soon as the crowd was settled in the theater, a puff of smoke went up in front of the screen. Someone had thrown a grenade containing mustard gas into the theater. Everyone was evacuated to the sidewalk. Several people were taken to hospitals because of the fumes.

Billy Graham asked the crowd to wait outside the theater in hopes that it would soon be safe to continue the premiere. The elegantly-dressed crowd stood outside the theater and sang to pass the time. Finally it was announced that the premiere would have to be cancelled. The gas had so penetrated the carpet that it was unsafe to enter the theater.

The media had disdained to cover the premiere of a Christian movie. But, from the moment the news had gone out about the gas bomb, they were there with cameras rolling. The next day a movie that could not get publicized was the main topic of conversation on network news shows all over the world. As Jeannette said, “God can make even the wrath of man to praise Him.”

Jeannette reminded all of us that God can use our lives to praise Him—even when we’re in the rapids.

Vicki Huffman

« Previous Page — Next Page »