Be a Voice

God created each of us. All of us. We are not various races of people, we are one…the human race, created by a loving God.

Over the ages, a tiny little lie took root and grew. A lie that says all human life is not equal, not precious, not a right bestowed by a loving Creator.

It is not a political issue; it is a human rights issue.

It is a God issue.

This is Sanctity of Human Life month and Sunday, January 22nd, is Sanctity of Human Life Day. For Mentoring Moments it is more than a month or even a special day, it is a call.  As women of God, we are called to teach and train. This year we will be providing ongoing education into humans rights, specifically in the areas of abortion, slavery and human trafficking, adoption, special needs children and adults, widows and orphans.

If you are a blogger or even use Facebook and Twitter, we encourage you to join us and become a voice too.  Share the facts, the information, the call to help, and be a voice (even if you feel like you are only a small voice crying in the vast internet wilderness). Feel free to share the videos and articles that will be posted. Be a voice for those without a voice in 2012.

Focus on the Family has put together a marvelous video in honor of Sanctity of Human Life month. Watch it. Share it. Be a voice.

If you are reading this via email and do not see the video, click here.

Exposed: A Novel about Porn Addiction

The book arrived in my mailbox beautifully packaged with rose petals. The feminine touch was evident!  The cover of the book was delicate and yet intriguing. I’d promised to review the book, but now I was anxious and eager to read it.

Ashley Weis wrote Exposed: A Novel as a fiction story based on her own testimony of hurt, betrayal and trauma due to the exposure of her husband’s porn addiction.  In the book, main character Ally Graham – a marriage counselor – is thrown for a loop when she finds pornography on her husband’s computer.  Ally and her husband Jesse have been struggling for some time unsuccessfully to have a baby. Now she wonders if she will ever have that baby, or if she even wants one after being dealt the pain of porn.  Should she stay married?  Should she quit her job?

Weis does an excellent job of portraying the pain, hurt and all the powerful emotions every woman experiences when she discovers porn in her marriage.  As the reader I felt the hurt, the anger and the bitterness.

While Ally was busy dealing with her broken marriage, a young girl named Taylor was unknowingly growing up too fast, trusting in promises of fame and fortune, and giving herself away to be loved.  As Taylor’s photo shoots become the very drug Ally’s husband craved, she found herself becoming a broken, worn out-woman longing for hope, love and help from God.  Being a porn star wasn’t at all what she dreamed of being, but it was all she was until God gave her a gift growing within her womb.  Would she ever be able to love and protect this child?  Who would raise this baby?

Weis’ writing is fast-paced, emotionally charged and raw. The images created are vivid, the scenes are realistic, and the story is captivating.  I didn’t want to put it down. Sometimes the story became so painful I wanted to stop reading… but couldn’t.  I had to read to the end.

Dealing with pornography from both angles – the betrayed wife and the porn star – Weis captures the struggle with the industry as well as with the effect on marriages. With the use of fiction, she gives structure to the healing process and hope to those who are caught in the mess of porn in their own lives.

I highly recommend this book to those who want to better understand what a woman goes through when porn affects her marriage, as well as to those who love a tightly written, emotionally-raw read.

Ashley Weis has a ministry to help women in the shadows of pornography at www.morethandesire.com.  You can purchase Exposed: A Novel at her website, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.

Because of the widespread use of pornography both by church members and non-church members, I have invited Ashley Weis and sex addiction counselor Gerry Pettyjohn to discuss the book and the effect of pornography on wives.  Click here to listen to this informative interview.

Ashley and Gerry would love to answer your questions about pornography, steps to healing, protecting your kids from porn or other related questions.  Please leave a comment here with your question or send an email with “Exposed Questions” in the subject line.  You will either receive a personal email response or we will discuss the questions in a future call.

Everyone who leaves a comment or posts a question will be entered to win a copy of Ashley’s book Exposed: A Novel. Give away deadline is Friday, July 1st at midnight.

Helping Those Who Have Lost It All

“I lift up my eyes to the hills–where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121: 1-2

Last Wednesday, April 27th, life changed for thousands across our Southern United States. Never before seen massive tornadoes left a path of death and destruction for so many, including some of  our readers.

Those of us who live in the South are accustomed to tornado sirens, storm shelters, and the occasional tornado. This far exceeded anything seen in generations. The town where my husband’s family lives, Hackleburg, AL, lost everything–schools, stores, city government, and many lives to an E5 tornado.

This is a photo of my husband’s aunt’s home:

Here is a powerful video from Hackleburg and Phil Campbell, AL.

You can also read of MMCW writer Tracey Cagle’s sister Tabatha’s story in yesterday’s Los Angeles Times here. This is Tabatha’s home:

Over the last few days the outpouring to the residents of Hackleburg, AL is being played out across the South in multiple communities. It is breathtaking to see believers of various denominations come together in unity for one another. The need is great–if you would like to help, here are some ways:

* American Red Cross.
Donate online at the Red Cross. If you would like to specify an area, consider Marion County, Alabama–the home county of Tracey Cagle and me.

If you would like to volunteer in the Hamilton, AL area (my hometown) and Hackleburg, AL (Tracey’s hometown) your group can contact the Red Cross offices in Hamilton at 205.921.1101. For large truck deliveries, please coordinate through the Red Cross as they have a staging location and distribution system in place.

* Samaritan’s Purse.
Samaritan’s Purse does much more than Operation Shoebox, including providing disaster relief. Donations and opportunities to volunteer on the ground available.

* Your denominational disaster relief ministry. Within hours local denominational ministries such as Marion County Baptist Association were on site. They are still there along with other ministries. Contact your church’s national disaster relief ministry for volunteer and donation information.

* Couponing. If you are an extreme coupon maven, put that stockpile of 500 tubes of toothpaste to use! If you’re just starting out, look for non-perishable supplies and paper products that can be used by a relief organization.

* Organize a rebuilding mission trip to the South this summer through your local church. There are no words powerful enough to convey the loss experienced. Residents are still in the recovery stage and next will come clean-up followed by rebuilding. Mississippi, Alabama, Tennessee, Georgia, all need help–pick a state and go.

* Prayer. The two words I’ve heard repeatedly are overwhelming and helpless. Please pray for the peace, provision, strength, and mercy of God. Men, women, and children are still missing and families need prayers rising on their behalf this week. The weather forecast is for rain, please pray for good weather as everyone works to salvage whatever they can. Most of all pray that the Lord will be glorified and souls will be saved during this time.

If you or your family has been affected by the tornadoes last week, please leave a comment with the name of your town and any prayer requests. Let’s agree together in prayer for the Lord to work in a mighty way in the hearts of those suffering right now and to bring His healing and comfort.

Don’t Take Anyone Else’s Word

Show Me How: Accountability in the Blogosphere

The internet has made it easy for teachers–good and bad–to share their words with the world. It is easy for even a sound teacher to get sloppy from time to time. And there is always a temptation to portray oneself in a better light online than what reality would bear.

Not every blogger needs an accountability structure. But what about the ministry-focused blog, thrust out into the blogosphere for public consumption? I believe these blogs should maintain a higher standard.

If you are seeking to use your blog to encourage other women and to minister to their spiritual needs, do you have any accountability structures in place? Do your friends in real life know about your blog? Does your husband ever read it? Is your pastor aware of it, and does he have the address? Is your blog appropriate for all ages? Do you take time to ensure that your teaching is biblical? Do you ever use your blog to slander or gossip about Christian leaders? Are you painting a picture of yourself that looks different from the one your friends and family see every day?

These are questions which the ministering blogger would do well to consider. I recognize that my readers and listeners have placed their trust in me, and I take that very seriously.  As the Scriptures say, “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly,” James 3:1.

For this reason, I have had the following accountability structures in place since the beginning for my personal blog, Counter-cultural Mom.

Blogging
1) I never publish a single post on Counter-cultural Mom that has not been first read and approved by my husband, my first line of defense. He checks for tone and theological accuracy. He often suggests topics for me to blog about, and we frequently discuss ideas for the blog. If he does not like a particular post, it is not published.

2) Let us not blog in secret, dear sisters! I have several friends IRL (in real life) who read my blogs. They know whether I’m practicing what I preach and will call me out on it if I’m blogging hypocritically.

3) My pastor and church elder board have full access to my blogs and podcasts, and check in as often as they care to. They know that if they find something they feel is heretical or untrue, it will be immediately retracted. I do not presume to teach men. When my husband and elders read this blog, it is only to provide oversight and accountability.

4) I do not maintain this same standard with my Counter-Cultural School blog, where I am sharing about practical matters. Some of my real-life friends read the blog, and that is important accountability, so that I am not tempted to portray our homeschool in an untrue light. But my husband does not read any of those posts before they are published, and my pastor doesn’t read it at all.

It is the ministry blog which I believe must submit to a more rigorous standard. And even on the ministry blog, not all posts need equal attention. It is those posts which seek to teach the Scriptures which need this kind of oversight. Although my husband reads every post before I publish it, we do not worry over posts about parenting methods or encouraging anecdotes the way we do over posts that teach.

Podcasting
As a podcaster who is seeking to encourage and teach other women from the Scriptures, I have these accountability structures in place:

1) Every podcast begins with copious notes and lengthy discussions with my husband. Again, he is a vital part of the process, a behind-the-scenes counselor and adviser. Many key points come from him.

2) After I write a podcast message, my husband reads it through carefully for personal accuracy in the details, theological accuracy in the Scriptures, and for tone (challenging but encouraging, not harsh or condescending).

3) After the text meets with my husband’s approval, I send the message off to several trusted Christian friends, all of them ladies who share the same commitment to theological accuracy and to women’s ministry that I have. They, too, minister behind the scenes to ensure that everything is clear and logical, true and helpful. They suggest additional Scriptures and check my references, and they add points where needed and help me work out areas that don’t communicate well enough. These ladies have all known me for many years, and they provide another level of accountability, that I am living what I am teaching.

4) Then the text is recorded and sent to yet a different group of ladies, who listen to the message and provide feedback. If a point was still unclear, if it left them with unanswered questions, or if they have any constructive comments at all, these are taken into consideration for the final draft and the message is re-recorded if necessary.

Usually I have people who do NOT know me in real life listen to the podcasts before they are released for general consumption. These are friends I’ve gotten to know through the internet, women whom I have come to trust although we have not met. They provide a different kind of accountability, as they are able to hear the podcast in a way that my husband and IRL friends cannot do. They don’t know me well enough to overlook it if I say something that comes across the wrong way.

5) Only then is the podcast finally recorded again and released to the public.

Are you a blogger or a podcaster? Is your blog informative and practical in nature, or are you seeking to teach the Bible? If you are, I would encourage you to put some accountability structures in place.

“Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.” Romans 12:3

To leave a comment:
• If you are reading this post in email form, click the article headline. This will take you to the article on MMCW’s website.
• Scroll down until you see the box entitled ‘Speak Your Mind’.
• Enter your name, email (it will not be published) and your website or blogsite if you have one (you do not have to have one).
• Click on the big empty space and then begin typing your comments.
• When you are done, click ‘submit comment’. That’s it! We look forward to hearing from YOU!

Show Me How: To Get a Gravatar

First of all… what is a Gravatar?  I asked the same thing not so long ago.  It sounded like a horrible thing, and I wasn’t really sure I wanted something that sounded like that.  But I’ve found out it is something quite friendly. And it helps the people around the web know you as friendly, too!

A gravatar is simply a picture, image or icon you use to identify yourself with around the web.  You may have been to blogs and noticed that many of the people commenting have pictures beside their names.  That image is their Gravatar.

The benefits of having a Gravatar are twofold.  First, it makes signing into anything fairly standard.  Second, it helps people recognize you.

Gravatars are not necessary for leaving comments, but it does make them more personal.

Getting a Gravatar is easy.  Here is the step-by-step way to get your own:

1.     Click on this link: http://en.gravatar.com/

2.    There you will find a button that says ‘Get your Gravatar today’.  Click on that button.

3.    You will be taken to a page where you will be asked to type in your email address.  This is how the blogs will recognize you.  When you’ve typed in your address, click the ‘Signup’ button.

4.    You’ll then see a notification that says you have been sent an email.  So go check your email and click on the link that is provided in your email.  (We’ll still be here when you get back!)

5.    Once you’ve clicked on that link you will be taken to a screen where you need to choose a user name. This must be all lowercase letters with no spaces or punctuation.  This won’t work:  Carla Anne Coroy.  But this might:  carlaannecoroy.  Choose this name carefully as you will be known by this name all over the internet.  If you want to use your real name for some things and a secret name for others you will need to have a different email address attached to each of them.

6.    Add a password that you will remember easily, and then re-enter it where indicated.

7.    Hit the ‘Signup’ button once that’s completed.

8.    If your password was not secure enough, you may be asked to choose a different one.

9.    You will be taken to the Manage Gravatars page and will have the opportunity to choose an image.  Click on the ‘Add One by clicking Here’ link.

10.  Choose where you’d like to get your picture from and click on that box.

11.  Once you have chosen or taken your photo, click next.

12.  On the next step you will be able to crop your photo.  Make it look just like you want it and then click ‘Crop and Finish!’

13.  The next step is important… you will be asked to rate your image.  We hope you’ve used an image that can be rated G!  This rating helps keep internet users safe. Some ratings will be blocked by filters to keep innocent eyes pure.

14.  You are DONE!

15.  Now to check if it’s working, leave a comment below telling us if this post was helpful and what else you’d like us to show you how to do.  We’d love to see your new Gravatar!

To leave a comment:
• If you are reading this post in email form, click the article headline. This will take you to the article on MMCW’s website.
• Scroll down until you see the box entitled ‘Speak Your Mind’.
• Enter your name, email (it will not be published) and your website or blogsite if you have one (you do not have to have one).
• Click on the big empty space and then begin typing your comments.
• When you are done, click ‘submit comment’. That’s it! We look forward to hearing from YOU!

Show Me How: To Comment on a Blog

Do you sometimes read a stimulating or controversial blog post and find yourself feeling passionate about it and wanting to join the conversation?  If you are like many, you may read exciting posts and want to add your two cents but simply don’t know how to go about doing it.

Today things will change for you!  It’s very simple and straight forward…let me show you how.

On the picture below you will see a blog post from my blog.  Near the bottom in red letters it says ‘0 Comments CLICK HERE TO VIEW OR LEAVE A COMMENT’.  Blogs like this make it easy to know where to go to leave a comment.  Simply click on the link and follow the directions.

Other blogs might not tell you where to click.  There may simply be the words ‘Post a Comment’ hidden somewhere near the bottom of the post or even at the bottom of all the other comments, like this:

In this case, simply click on the words ‘Post a Comment’ and then follow the directions.

Blogs that are hosted by WordPress (like Mentoring Moments) often have a section that will say something like Speak your Mind or Leave a Reply, making it very easy to know where to write your comment.

You may need to fill in your name and email address.  This is okay and nothing to worry about.  You may also be asked to copy random letters and numbers that may looked scrambled into a blank that looks something like this:

Those random letters and numbers are called a ‘Captcha’.  They help to make sure that it is a person and not a computer posting the comment.  Sometimes the Captcha spells a word, sometimes it doesn’t.

Once you have filled in the Captcha, hit the ‘Post Comment’ or ‘Submit’ button and you’re done!

Now it’s practice time!  Leave a comment below to tell us if you comment on blogs regularly or it today is your first time.  We’d love to meet you all in person, but the comment section will have to do for now.

Finding Direction in 2011

Every fall a flurry of emails go out amongst MMCW staff. We begin praying and talking about a theme to run throughout our posts for the upcoming year. In 2010 our theme was Walking in Wisdom: Shoes Optional. You may have noticed our button on the blog:

What does the Lord want us to focus on in 2011? This one question eluded us for months as we sought the Lord’s direction. What I’m about to share isn’t pretty, just transparent.

During this time I became sidetracked searching the Internet for theme ideas instead of praying for the Lord’s direction. I wanted a theme and I wanted it now!  Looking across the web I found blogs of all description–devotional, decorating, cooking, and all with plenty of thing-a-majigs MMCW needed.

In one word I was overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by what I read–there was so much to do, create, and be. If I didn’t follow all the advice and create all the must-have projects, MMCW could not possibly live up to the Lord’s standards. Oh, and I needed a new camera and classes to earn a degree because there is no possible way blogging can be done by someone like me without ABC letters after my name. Then…after all of this MMCW would be doing the Lord’s will.

Smack dab in the middle of my discontented rabbit trail, the Holy Spirit pricked my heart with one word.

Jesus.

Have you ever traveled the same rabbit trail? Go ahead, admit it–we all have.

Satan says we must have it all. Jesus says He is all we need.

Being real in a world where we are supposed to do and be everything is exhausting. The stark reality is I do not know how to sew or make gourmet meals, my bathrooms stay perpetually dirty with four kids. Today I scrubbed the name of a child from a closet wall because he thought no one would know who did it. My laundry pile is taller than I am and my garage is in need of an intervention. I do not need a new camera or a degree to share the Gospel. I blog late at night in my pjs while drinking Coke.  Hello, my name is Kellie.

After really praying and sharing how overwhelmed and discouraged I had become because I could not do, be, or create it all Vicki Huffman shared three words:

Grace-Full Living. And my dear sisters, this is our theme for 2011.

Living a life filled with the grace of God is not a fairy tale of perfection. As Page Hughes once told me, “I have a real house with a real family that gets really dirty.” All of us do. We are real women with real problems, needing the grace and mercy of Christ daily. The one thing MMCW does not want to do, by the grace of God, is place unrealistic burdens or expectations on our readers with anything we share. Whether a recipe or devotion, it was lived out first in our own lives.

John MacArthur says,”Grace does not grant permission to live in the flesh; it supplies power to live in the Spirit.” This year, let’s learn together how to lead  Spirit-filled lives overflowing with the grace of God. Our photos may not be perfect and our recipes more suited for kitchen tables than gourmet dinner parties. While our articles may step on toes at times–they will challenge us to dig deep into the Bible for God’s direction.  Most of all, let’s draw closer to Jesus in 2011 because He truly is all we need.

If you would like to put a Grace-Full Living button on your blog:
<a href=”http://s801.photobucket.com/albums/yy296/mmcw/Grace-Full/?action=view&amp;current=woman12-2.gif” target=”_blank”><img src=”http://i801.photobucket.com/albums/yy296/mmcw/Grace-Full/woman12-2.gif” border=”0″ alt=”Photobucket”></a>

Dissed on Facebook

I was asked recently, “What do you do when people write horrible things about you on Facebook?”  That is a question that seems to come up more and more frequently.  There is no quick and easy way to find resolution to this problem.

The gospel writer Paul instructed his son in the faith to “Live a life above reproach.”  What he was saying is live a godly life following Christlike principles in all you do so that when someone does speak evil against you, the world around you will know it is not true because of your godly character.

Many people who write hateful slurs against others have a consistent pattern of doing so.  My mom would say, “consider the source.”  There are some who are unkind and even evil by their consistent choices and there is not much you can do about that, but others can see that as well.

I would caution you to be selective as to who you accept as a Facebook friend.  If a friend shows signs of anger or violence, quietly remove them from your friend list.  I have only done this once, but the person I removed showed signs of anger, quick temper, and posted things I was concerned about.  That will protect you and your friends unless they are connected to that same person.

If you are not able to head off hurtful comments, try looking below the surface.  Have you offended this person?  If so, go make it right.  Are they hurting and just lashing out?  Pray for them and, if it is appropriate, help them.  Sometimes it is not appropirate nor advisable.  Just let it go and ask God to give you peace.  The best advice of all is to pray, pray, pray and ask God for wisdom. Remember, there are times that you can’t “solve the problem.”  In those times stay quiet and steer clear.  Proverbs tells us that without wood a fire goes out, and the same can be true of flammable relationships.

To leave a comment:

• If you are reading this post in email form, click the article headline. This will take you to the article on MMCW’s website.
• Scroll down until you see the box entitled ‘Speak Your Mind’.
• Enter your name, email (it will not be published) and your website or blogsite if you have one (you do not have to have one).
• Click on the big empty space and then begin typing your comments.
• When you are done, click ‘submit comment’.  That’s it!  We look forward to hearing from YOU!

Healing Conflict in Church

In 1995, Bob wrote a book called Love in Action:  Healing Conflict in Your Church (Multnomah Publishing Company). The book encourages us to become agents of reconciliation in our churches and relationships.

One chapter was satirically named, “Ten Ways to Split Your Church.”
Step One: Focus exclusively on your own desires.

Step Two: Listen to every criticism.

Step Three: Focus on your pastor’s weaknesses, not his strengths.

Step Four: Speak the truth or practice love, but never combine the two.

Step Five: Store grievances for future use.

Step Six: Forgive only those who ask you to do so and only if they deserve it.

Step Seven:  Hide your own sin behind harsh attitudes.

Step Eight: Use prayer to unite discontented individuals
(and spread inappropriate information.)

Step Nine: Do whatever you have to in order to win.

Step Ten: Remember, you are on a mission from God.

Parents, not doing these “ten” is important to your child loving God and wanting to serve in the church someday.  Teach your children to respect their spiritual authorities by respecting your spiritual elders yourself.   Do nothing that would lead to a split in your church,. Your children are watching. And so is God.

“Warn a divisive person once, and then warn him a second time.  After that, having nothing to do with him.  You may be sure that such a man is warped and sinful; he is self-condemned.”  Titus 3:10-11

Remember, marriage is for better for worse for keeps.

To leave a comment:

• If you are reading this post in email form, click the article headline. This will take you to the article on MMCW’s website.
• Scroll down until you see the box entitled ‘Speak Your Mind’.
• Enter your name, email (it will not be published) and your website or blogsite if you have one (you do not have to have one).
• Click on the big empty space and then begin typing your comments.

When you are done, click ‘submit comment’.  That’s it!  We look forward to hearing from YOU!

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